


You Are My Only Fear

by roliver4



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Drinking, F/F, F/M, Nerdiness, Star Wars - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-03-19 06:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3600312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roliver4/pseuds/roliver4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meetra Surik returns to known space to find the republic in ruins. After re-creating the Jedi Council with a group of ruffians, she loses herself briefly in order to find something greater.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We could Sing Our Own

I shook myself awake. The room was new—as usual. It was nice though—nicer than usual. Everything had a clean look to it with its shine and gloss. There weren’t clothes or alcohol bottles everywhere like the normal anthem of my evenings—dancing around them in the mornings to escape my captors—a Stockholm syndrome if I had ever seen one. There was also something else wrong with this picture. I was clothed and alone in this bed. No deep, heavy, alcohol ridden breaths down my neck. No irritating facial stubble against my naked back. Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I touched my bare feet down on the cold wooden floors. If missing socks and shoes was my only flaw then last night couldn’t have been all too exciting. Scanning the room, I glanced for any sign of who could have brought me here. Obviously someone had to. There were no memories in my mind, yet no pill bottles thrown about to indicate that I was drugged. The last thing I remembered was ordering a round of drinks for some new soldiers in the area and making small talk with foreigners—one with a lisp and the other, a twi'lek with this unusual nasal piercing. To each his own, in any case it wasn’t the weirdest I had seen ever—by far not the weirdest. Maybe I had been drugged. Usually I was safe—keeping my eyes on my drink at all times, but obviously something happened to me. The only sign of habitation in this room other than the wrinkled sheets was a pair of military issue bags packed in the corner. Walking over closer, the name tag called out to me. I could hear my heart pounding. The unusual silence and vacancy of the room made me anxious, worried that I would get caught. It had been years since I felt this anxiety… years since service. Grabbing the little orange tag, I slid it through my fingers, wondering if I would know the name on the tag. With a gasp, I dropped it after reading it. It couldn’t be… General Malachi Greene… The bag fell over sideways with a small thud—the boots no doubt—and I backed away. Malachi, or Dustin as I knew him, wasn’t alive. He couldn’t have been—and he sure as hell wasn’t a General! “There’s no way,” I mumbled without even realizing that words were exiting my lips. Dustin had died on our way to the scarred remains of Telos five years ago. I remembered this all too well: my feelings of dread, regret and grief. I loved Dustin. He was the only one in the Republic who knew me—my only friend—my only love—and my only fear.

This was all right before Malachor, yet another defeat in my soul. I had been taught to not believe in such things, after all, there is only the force, but between the loss of my love, the loss of the force, and my exile, I had begun to doubt if the force was even real. This had all recently changed, however. My blonde hair fell in front of my eyes as I turned the corner out of the bed room. I didn’t know how, but I knew I had to get out of this place. Turning another corner past the hallway, with my eyes still faced down, I was suddenly stopped by a body against mine.

“Whoa now,” he spoke, dropping coffee on the both of us before I could back away. Looking up, my thoughts of escape all dissolved as my mind and fears caught up to my reality. In front of me stood my old friend Dustin Greene. His deep green eyes and dark black hair had not changed, even if everything else about him had. A large scar lined the side of his face and accompanying it was a smaller one over the opposing right eye. His facial hair was growing in over his matured, yet still baby faced cheek bones. He looked larger—more muscular and fit. I wouldn’t have even thought that was possible five years ago when he smiled at me before boarding the turrets on our ship. I had forgotten how beautiful he was over these years and more importantly, I had forgotten how much I loved him. “Well good morning,” he spoke calmly, his voice exactly the same, yet slightly more raspy—slightly more attractive. He sat the mugs that once held the coffee that was now soaking into our clothes on the table at the edge of the room to his left. “I was coming to wake up you, but it seems you’ve already done that,” he said smiling. His disposition was different—he seemed calmer, more at peace, but that wasn’t completely it. Something else was weird about him—other than the fact that he was alive obviously. The coffee was clearly staining his clean, white button down and less noticeable on my black top, but that wasn’t the first thing on my mind. I hardly noticed the wet running down the front of my body.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I couldn’t take it anymore. Cutting his words short I shouted, “You’re dead!”

He looked at me with surprised eyes, stumbling through multiple phrases before finally saying “well that’s news to me…” He chuckled, placing a hand on my shoulder before walking past me. “You don’t mind if I change shirts, right?” he asked, not waiting for a reply. With my back turned to the door, I heard the opening of the drawer and wondered if I dared to look. Glancing slowly at first around the corner, I eventually turned it completely to face his bare, scarred back from down the short hall. His scars were deep and covering, like looking at the surface of a planet after a raid, like the surfaces of Telos and Dantooine after each succumbed to their own demise. He had seen war—I never really knew the intensity of it. I mean, I knew him for only two years, but I guess I always expected that I knew him entirely. I realized now, however, that I knew nothing about his service before I met him. We didn’t ever talk about war—not past wars anyway. There was no point in thinking of the past. Sliding his left arm in first, I noticed the bend of his arm. He couldn’t fully extend it, noting a previous elbow injury. That was new. Dustin never had elbow problems before. I watched his shoulders contract as he slid the shirt over his shoulders and down his back, longing to walk over to him and just touch his back to prove he was real. It had been a long time since I had seen him—the last time being before we placed him, my beloved friend, the Sergeant killed in the line of combat in the ground. He turned to face me, my face turning bright pink as I realized how intently I was watching him. “Do you need to change?” He asked, walking closer to me. He reached out to me, grabbing my hand in his. It was a sweet and unnecessary gesture that made me itch for more of him—but this couldn’t really be the Dustin that I knew.

“I don’t have a shirt,” I objected with a deep gulp. I mean, I assumed I didn’t have another shirt. Why would I have a new shirt at a stranger’s house? I looked in his eyes deeply as he took one step closer to me. The hand that was on my shoulder seemed to lead him in as I shivered under him.

“You can borrow one of mine,” he finally said, breaking the silence that seemed to last for entire minutes. Instantly, our stare was broken as he turned towards the dresser again with his arm that was on mine. My heart sort of dropped when he left me: What was I expecting from this? I don’t know, but it was not just a new shirt I guess. Maybe some answers would suffice? Or a passionate love affair that had lingered in my heart? But that would have required for Dustin for actually have loved me back and that was probably not the case—at least he never displayed such emotions… and that would require this to be Dustin.

I thanked him when he pulled out a red tank and tossed it to me. “I’ll let you change,” he started, pacing back towards what I assumed was the kitchen. “When you’re done, you can join me in the kitchen for breakfast.” Dustin smiled, picking up the spilled coffee cups and walking out of the room, closing the door to the hall behind him. I smiled as I watched him walk out. I missed him very greatly—more at this moment than ever before. Rethinking the past five years of my life, I wondered if there was any way that this was real.

-

I never thought that I would ever find love. After all, I had been taught my entire life that love was blind, that it was a way to the dark side…that was until I met Sergeant Dustin Greene. I had loved once before, but not like this. I loved my master, the fallen knight Revan, but only as one loves a father.

Dustin was different.

Dustin was zealous.

They had told me that he was dead to the universe, nothing special. He was supposedly just a random soldier who had no remorse for his actions. He would kill without regret.

They said that he once shot a pregnant woman who was carrying her first born child in her arms.

What they didn’t tell us was that this woman was holding a grenade against the chest of her son.

They told me that he killed his last girlfriend.

What they didn’t tell me was that his last girlfriend was a Sith spy, using him to get closer to Republic Consulates and tried to murder him when he caught on to her lies.

I would later find most of the stories about him to be false, but I knew he something was different- something was not entirely wrong about their judgment. He was mildly shady, but in those times, we all were. Overall, I had more to hide than he did, especially now. He told me when we first met that he never wanted to kill again. He barely wanted to fight. In fact, he didn’t, but it was all that he knew. Something about this attracted me to him.  
  
-  
  
"Check One Two. Alright guys," the voice over the ship-wide com system spoke in a male's voice. It was calm and soothing, even if he was in charge of our current war efforts in this sector. The Admiral, as I knew him, must have recognized Greene's name from the time he spent with Jedi during the war before. He was a low-life corporal when The Admiral put him in charge of the war efforts at that time, promoting him immediately upon his arrival to our unit.

They said that the young sergeant seemed as if he had seen more death and war than anyone could imagine but his somewhat cold and broken manner was still greatly compassionate. They would never know that he had once held this rank before.

"We'll be landing in the port at Telos in roughly an hour. I want you all to report to the bridge in 45 minutes for check-in and registration. Admiral out."

I rolled over on my bunk and brushed my blonde hair from my eyes- I still had 30 minutes to rest. Greene had requested that he be enlisted within my ranks and even though he was clearly more trained than the rest of my men in combat and would have meshed better elsewhere. He wanted the front lines, however. Even though he could have clearly been a commander elsewhere—maybe even a general. But instead he chose to work under me. I was not opposed, however. There was an echo in him that I could just hear. I understood the sound of his soul as it cried out for more than just war. He craved power. He craved the force. I did too. Closing my eyes, I rolled over and ignored the sounds of the ship. I was far too used to them now to care.

-

I underestimated the power of the Sith at that time. We would never make it to Telos. The next time my eyes opened they were heavy and swollen and I was surrounded by astonished doctors and fallen friends from that Republic vessel.

“Everyone aboard your ship died General Surik,” one of the doctors spoke. Many words blurred together. I could almost see the words better than hearing them, but one phrase stood out. “You are the sole survivor…” So many questions flooded my mind as my view darkened and again I fell out of consciousness for the next few days. The words echoed in my mind—you are the sole survivor…


	2. You Were The Greatest Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meetra Surik returns to known space to find the republic in ruins. After re-creating the Jedi Council with a group of ruffians, she loses herself briefly in order to find something greater.

It took months for me to accept this fact—everyone was dead. It hit me one day while sitting in an opera with my new company. I had avoided the Jedi Council for three and a half months since my discharge from 9 days’ worth of medical care. I was not alright. Everyone else could tell. The attack took its effect on me and I was not alright at all. Malachor V a few months later had taken its toll on me and I was not alright. I had easily been awarded medals for my bravery in action and was now in charge of the training of new soldiers but I was nothing but a void. Although I survived with minimal scarring, I had died in a sense on that ship. I didn’t understand how no one died like I did. 

But during this opera, it was as if air had returned to my lungs. A quick breath entered me then escaped. All of this happened within a single heartbeat. Life had changed. The life in me had returned. The force had been stripped from me, I would later find, but finally I was alright with this. I immediately went by the Republic Office and filed my discharge papers. With a hand shake and a red stamp of approval, I was out. I was on my own, but I wasn’t yet. There was still one more thing to take care of—one more judgment to face. 

-

Now, after all of this, after almost four years of retirement, everything was changing. After returning to the order and facing their judgment, running away and refusing to accept change within the galaxy, everything became different over the course of waking up. I spent years coming to terms with the death of everyone I knew nearly, and suddenly I was waking up in the home of the man who had shared more of my life than anyone. Holding his t-shirt, I stood there staring at the closed door for what felt like ages. It was like I was hoping for the door to open again and it be someone else. At least that would make sense. Maybe I was finally cracking and having my breakdown. Maybe this random man wasn’t in fact Dustin and just shared his name. Maybe I was projecting an image. Maybe I was making it up. Maybe I was still asleep. 

That was it! 

That had to be it! 

I was still asleep and this was just a very vivid dream. Walking over to the bed and sitting on the corner of it, I pondered how real that hypothesis could be. Obviously I was awake. I wasn’t hung over, so I couldn’t have been drugged. Then it hit me. Like a speeder racing towards my cerebral cortex or even my hippocampus. I couldn’t tell if it was emotions or memories that were raging at the moment—maybe both, but glancing up from the shirt in my hands, I spotted a picture that changed everything. It was taken nearly seven years ago. There’s no way that this wasn’t Dustin. This picture was of Dustin and I on leave when we first joined the navy together. We had our backs to a village on Naboo. The sun was setting in front of us, causing us to squint as Dustin’s long arms held the holocron. He had clearly had the photo printed off and framed on his wall.

It was classic. 

It was nostalgic. 

It was a reminder. 

My heart dropped. 

This was my best friend. 

This was my dead best friend.

-

The judgment of the council was not easy. For over an hour I stood there and listen to them list off my faults, reminding me of the countless lives that I was responsible for, all of the blood that was on my hands. Even though the Republic had won the war, Revan, my master, and I had defied the council. We had brought others with us to war and even though I still stood behind my decision to go to war, the council did not. They warned me against my rashness and made the claims that I had been corrupted. I thought in that moment that they had stripped the force from me, but that was not the case. I was dead long before that meeting, although I would not understand it until much later. 

My master never returned for his judgment. Instead, he left, leaving no instructions or notice of where he was going. I asked him, begged him to allow me to come with him, but he denied, telling me that I had to stay in known space and accept the Council’s judgment, to protect them. After judgment and exile, I returned to a broken order and a dying Republic. I had failed to complete my master’s only request. The Sith and Jedi disappeared after the Jedi Civil War that was caused as a whiplash from the Mandalorian wars. 

The Jedi were already weak from the Mandalorian wars, losing hundreds of Jedi Knights in the war and to the war and the Sith saw that opportunity and took it. After searching for months with a team of renegades that assembled along the way, my crew and I gathered the four remaining masters on the shattered vestiges of Dantooine. They sent me into the edges of space to fight the new Sith threat, knowing that only I could defeat the void. 

The dark lords that we encountered, Scion, Nihilis, and eventually my mentor Traya proved to be a fight, but the good won out. The light side overcame the darkness, but balance was not restored. 

Something is still missing. 

Something is still building. 

So now, here I am, Meetra Surik, exile redeemed, lost, masterless, exploring the fringes of space for a way to bring balance to the force. So now, here I am, Meetra Surik, overwhelmed, lost, and confused as the lost love of my life returns.

-

Waking up on Saturday mornings with my head pounding and the smell of cheap Telosian ale permeating everything around me was nothing new to me. Sitting up, I glanced around the room; my clothes were there, his clothes were over here, mini-bar in the corner, refresher right outside of the room. 

It was the same set-up every time. 

It was the same every time. 

Looking over at my passionate feel from last night, I noted his features: dark hair, tan skin, tattoo on his shoulder… TFS soldier. It was pretty much the same every time. Standing, I gathered my clothes and made my way to the refresher. It was still early and my “piece” as my girlfriends at the club would deem them would sleep until noon, by which time I would be long gone. 

Again, it was the same every time. 

I turned on the shower and let its warm water run over my face and body, washing away last night. Tracing its trail, I checked my body for bruises or injuries. This wouldn’t be the first time that a “piece” would get too into the night. Thankfully, I was wound free tonight, dodged that bullet. Turning off the water, I dried myself off and returned to last night’s clothes, fixed my hair and looked at myself in the mirror. It was the same every time. My face was dark and the bright lines that once traced the force’s route through my body had long since faded. The force had long since faded… I had long since faded.

These days come and go on Coruscant without any passing glance. Why did I come back here? 

I mean, this was the place of my exile. 

This was my home. 

That was stripped of me when the Jedi took my saber—and in turn took my life. The force had returned, but it was still different- faint, quiet, weak. Where it was once a loud resounding cry for justice, it was not a small whisper for change. I was tired and it was easy to ignore. So, why did I come back? 

Honestly, it was for the silence. 

The echo within me was, more than not, silenced here. The craving for something outside was quiet. It was quiet and dull. Sunday afternoon rolled around without any argument, unless you count the pounding in my head but that would soon be drown out by the pounding of the cantina’s bass with my girlfriends. 

And the wagers began—

who would get the drunkest? 

Who would get a “piece”? 

Who would go home alone tonight? 

It was always the same. 

We walked in like we owned the place and the festivities began. 

One shot here, 

one beer there. 

Let’s go dance. 

That guy wants to talk to you. 

Can I buy you a drink? 

I’m sorry man; I’m just here with my friends. 

Two more shots 

then time to hit up some pazzak. 

I could have scripted the bar scene easily and probably would have won an award for it. My vision was beginning to blur as I caught eyes with someone—it was like something from a dream. I knew that I knew him. In fact, I knew that I knew him well and maybe it was the ale, maybe the shots, or maybe just time, but I couldn’t place how or where. 

His face was soft, but still rugged, holding scars of time. His black hair was neatly trimmed and pushed towards the center of his head. The scar over his right eye was almost hiding his beautiful green stare. Something about him screamed familiarity, but I still couldn’t place it. 

“Is that your piece for tonight?” one of my girls asked, looking over at him while nudging me with the shoulder of an arm handing me an ale. 

“Maybe,” I responded, taking it and placing my straw up to my lips. 

Who would know?

-

My head turned as I attempted to remember more details from last night. Everything else was just haze. Standing, I glided my black top over my head, letting it fall to the floor at my feet. A sudden wave of sadness overtook me as I slid my body to the ground next to it. Grasping my knees, tears began to stream from my eyes without my permission. Emotion was never out of my control, but for the first time ever, I was sad and I had no clue why. 

Taking in a few more breaths of air, I swallowed them deeply and gathered myself enough to rise from the floor and return to the corner of the bed that I had previously placed myself. Glancing over at the red tank top that Dustin had handed me, I picked it up and unfolded it to inspect it. It was plain and boring, anything but this day. 

Rising up, I paced over to the mirror and began inspecting my body for injuries, more out of habit than need. Today, however, there was something for me to find. The sting on the side of my neck and my right shoulder suddenly surfaced when my hand ran across the budding bruise that was my attacker. It was quite larger than I would have expected from Dustin and without even thinking, my mind went to all of the worst case situations. 

Perhaps Dustin had kidnapped me? 

What if he was going to hold me hostage here? 

Who else knew I was here? 

Obviously my friends had known that I went home with him? 

Or did they? 

Swallowing deeply, I pulled the tank over my head and grabbed another shirt from the dresser—one with long sleeves—and wrapped myself tightly in it. This shirt would be my shield from my captor, or at least I felt so. If nothing else, it allowed me to ignore my bruise.

Opening the bedroom door slowly, I began my saunter down the short hall to the living room. Once I reached the doorway I realized something: 

I was not a prisoner. 

The living room was shimmering and clean, black, white and silver. The black leather couch sat on a black and silver rug on a white tiled floor. The way to the door was unobstructed and Dustin was not here to stop me from bolting. For some reason, however, my legs refused to take flight. 

Instead I continued to take in the room around me. The wall nearest to my right failed to exist but instead was a massive black bookcase filled with novels and manuals as well as a few picture frames with smiling faces. The far wall was on my left was full of windows that overlooked the city from many flights up. 

“It’s not much,” Dustin’s voice interrupted my exploration, “But it’s home.” He spoke from the kitchen on the far right behind a bar and counter top. I paced forward, taking detailed note of everything around me. Dustin walked around the bar carrying two plates. “I hope you’re hungry,” he said, placing them on the table across from the kitchen before inviting me to join by pulling out a chair for me. 

I walked over to it and accepted his offer as he slid my chair in and sat across from me. “You don’t really speak much, do you?” he asked, taking a bite of his omelet. 

It was like ages, but I finally spoke for him. “Do you remember me?” I mumbled, brushing my hair from my eyes. It was starting to curl, indicating that it had not been washed this morning, and was beginning to bother me. 

He smiled and placed his fork on his plate and napkin on the table before rising from his chair and making his way to the bookcase. He chuckled, running his hand across books and frames like perusing at a library before pulling a picture down and handing it to me as he spoke, “Of course I do, Meetra. You were my best friend during the war.” The picture was one similar to that in his bedroom, just taken later in our deployment. Dustin and I were standing against one of the fastest ships in the galaxy and my home for many years, The Ebon Hawk, and smiling with our guns in our hands. His smile was irreplaceable. “I loved you,” he began, sitting back down across from me again. “But I never would have let you know,” he finished as I looked up at him. “It wouldn’t have mattered anyway,” he began again; “You didn’t love me.” 

Lies. 

Placing the picture down on the table beside me, I took in a deep breath, not knowing how to counter his words. “Why am I here?” I simply asked, unable to muster anything else. I picked up my fork and looked at my plate hoping that taking my eyes off of him would make the conversation easier. 

He did the same, obviously picking up on my cue. 

“I don’t know,” he laughed taking another bite of his meal. “You made it very clear to everyone that you were coming home with me last night, so that’s what happened,” He finished his thought after swallowing. I couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that he didn’t talk with food in his mouth. At least he wasn’t disgusting. 

I sighed, spinning my food on my fork. His statement brought to light how pathetic I had become. “Did I sleep with you?” I asked with a remorseful sigh. 

“Ha,” Dustin snorted, choking slightly. “No, sweetheart. I held your hair while you hurled for three hours. You kept apologizing and saying things like ‘Please don’t hate me’ and begging me not to hit you. Really, it wasn’t that big of a deal.” 

My head dropped again. It was better than sleeping with him, I guess, but I was… I am still pretty wretched, especially as a drunk. Maybe sleeping with him wouldn’t have been the worst thing ever.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, putting my fork down on the plate. “I should go.” Standing up, I started to walk towards the door before I was halted by Dustin’s voice. 

“No,” he begged, standing from his chair and half-running towards me. “Please,” he grabbed my hand. “Please stay… I just got you back.” His hand was so warm and my soul felt good to have him want me. No guy has ever really wanted me, but rather craved what I had to offer. “Please stay,” he repeated, pulling my arm to turn me to face him. It was gentle still, even in his desperation. 

His face lingered close to mine, his warm breath on my left cheek. “Please stay,” the words escaped his lips in a whisper almost naturally now. His head slid onto my left shoulder as his arms wrapped around me. 

I rested my head on his shoulder and embraced him deeply. He still smelled the same. 

I never realized how much he cared. 

I never realized that he loved me so deeply. 

Before I knew any different, his lips began kissing my neck, his facial hair against my skin. A slight gasp exited my lips as he pushed me against the wall and began running his hands down my sides. His lips met mine and I felt a fire within my body ignite. 

Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to be with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Updated Weekly Friday-Sunday.


	3. It's Just A Spark But It's Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meetra Surik returns to known space to find the republic in ruins. After re-creating the Jedi Council with a group of ruffians, she loses herself briefly in order to find something greater.

“Come on Meetra! Pick up your feet!” A young Jedi shouted across the field at a blonde haired young woman running through the tires. It was a very archaic form of training but as a young Jedi apprentice I loved it none the less. “You’re almost done!” he shouted again, glancing down at his timer. 

If I finished strong, I would finish faster than ever before, even faster than the record holder Jedi Knight Revan. Once my feet hit the ground at the end of the tires, I spun on my toes and began the sprint towards the finish line. “You’re so close!” he cheered, bouncing in place as I bolted the 100 meters between us. 

Finishing in a full sprint, I fell to the ground at the finish line just as the young man’s fingers hit the stop button. The half of a second of silence after my finish seemed to last an eternity in the courtyard of the temple on Coruscant. 

“New high score!” he shouted, falling to the ground next to me. We celebrated for a brief moment, allowing emotion to run high as we shouted and cheered, before I caught a glimpse of the famed Revan standing behind the second floor banister above the courtyard watching us. 

“Shhh,” I tried to silence my friend, pointing up at Revan. We both grew quiet as we made eye contact with the knight. Revan smiled at me, nodding before disappearing into the enclave. 

It wasn’t but two minutes later that a messenger was on the field requesting that I join the Knight in his chambers for ‘official business’. I was still wresting my friend over control of the time when he found us. I stood quickly, trying to shake off the dirt and my embarrassment before I entered the enclave. 

The war was nearing, I knew this, and chatter began around the enclave about Mandalorians in the outer realm, but I never knew how much this day would change my life. Revan had heard about my victories within the Republic armed forces and admired how quickly I had excelled through the ranks. Being an apprentice was one thing but excelling in the Republic Armed forces as well had caught the eyes of the masters. 

In this meeting, Revan approached me with a proposition that I could not resist. Although following him and Malak to war meant turning my back on the Order, it also meant aiding the republic while the Order stood by and watched it burn. Who could have said no?

-

I sat on the couch in this apartment that I had pretty much declared as my own, waiting for the love of my life to return from gathering groceries from the city below. It had been months since Dustin found me in a bar and brought me back to his place after I started a fight with a group of young merchants, one of which was the a twi'lek with this unusual nasal piercing that I remembered the day after. Explaining away my bruising, Dustin and I grew closer every day, exploring the city with each other while exploring each other. 

My “piece” had become my whole, even if I hadn’t told him, but something was still missing. Even though I felt complete with him, there was still something in my life that was not right… more in particularity, there was something array with Dustin’s life. 

The notebook on the table before me held his darkest secrets, those that he never spoke to me—not before and not now. The life of Malachi Dustin Greene had always been shrouded in mystery, but finally I understood everything. 

My thoughts were broken, however, with the sound of the door clicking open and closing as my love entered our home. “It’s getting colder out,” Dustin spoke, shaking a bit of rain from his cloak. I stood, making my way over to the door where he was. He placed the bag down on the counter and wrapped his arm around me, kissing my head while he removed his gloves. 

We had done well to avoid the Republic and war and all of the baggage that comes with it, but I could tell that Dustin was getting cabin fever. 

Sometimes he would disappear for an entire day and come back covered in bruises or cuts. 

Other days he would simply sit and stare at a blank wall as if he was waiting for something. 

War had taken its toll on him, but honestly fighting was all that Dustin had ever known and the thought of this had been plaguing my thoughts for weeks now. “I think maybe we should take a vaca…” he began before my words interrupted him. 

“I want to take you to the council.” His eyes looked up from the bag that he was unpacking to meet mine. They were bare as if he didn’t know what to say. 

“Um… why,” he stumbled, placing all of the items on the counter top and taking a step closer to me. I had never feared Dustin before, but something in his gait alarmed me. It was as if he had taken a defensive against me. 

To be honest, who could blame him? 

Years ago he had been harmed by force users and he often told me during the war that I was the only Jedi he would ever trust. Despite my best efforts, he even looked at Revan with disdain. I never knew the extent of this harm until now, but he had told me that him and force wielders normally didn’t get along. 

And after all, I wasn’t even really a Jedi anymore. 

I had deserted the council after we rebuilt it, but after much thought and consideration, I was beginning to think that with the council was where I belonged. The only difference this time was that I wanted Dustin with me. 

“I think it would be good for you,” I stated, taking a few steps away from him and attempting to seem busy. I folded the blanket on the couch next to where I had been sitting to avoid eye contact with him. 

“What do you mean?” He stood still, questioning my motives. The look on his face told it all. This conversation was not going to end well. I was in too deep to back out now, but I wasn’t in deep enough to defend myself yet. There was no winning this one.

I swallowed hard, biting my lip as I pondered the next phrase carefully. Walking over to the journal, I lifted the archaic device and paced over to him, placing it in his hands and lifting my eyes to face him. 

The fear in his face when he took the journal spoke everything that I needed to know. 

This story was his own.

\- 

Malachi Dustin Greene was once a farm boy on the planet of Tatooine, just outside of the nearly forgotten city of Mos Eisley. Tatooine was a massive dust bowl, overlooked when it came to republic aid and scorched by two suns. 

He hated every moment of it and left as soon as he could, joining the republic forces to simply get out. 

The republic allowed him to dodge planet to planet before stumbling onto the dark, sandy planet of Korriban. It was not much different from Tatooine on the outside, but what lingered within this planet drew Dustin in close. 

The darkness in Korriban called to him. The same darkness that drew the original dark lords long before now beckoned Dustin closer. It was in the halls of the Sith enclave that Dustin learned how to control the force and use it to his advantage. It was here that he learned about the power that flowed through him, allowing his great advantages over others. 

Dustin watched as Sith came and went within the academy, talking of great adventures on far away planets. The Republic assumed him dead once a communication had been sent back explaining how his entire crew had been “captured” on Korriban. He often laughed at how false this statement was as he tortured individuals in the training chambers or practiced taking apart and rebuilding his saber. 

It was years, however, before anyone approached him about his past, and when this conversation began, it was a woman bearing news of the republic that came to him. Though he tried to guess her motives, he couldn’t help but be attracted to her, or at least what she had to offer. 

The older woman explained that she could see his heart and that she had sensed his presence on the planet. She said that she had been watching him from the moment that he arrived and she knew what it was that he desired. She talked of a great empire that would rise to defeat the ill-starred Republic and figure the galaxy afresh. 

That conversation ended with a handshake that began a new life for Dustin—a life as a Sith Marauder.

Dustin’s life in the Sith would be short lived, however. On his first mission as a Marauder, Dustin was captured by the Republic and held hostage for almost three months. After the Sith refused negotiation, Dustin’s eyes were opened to how little he meant to their efforts. Even after contacting his mentor and master, the woman who brought him in and taught him all he knew, promised his potential and said she would die to keep him alive, Dustin’s life was handed to the Republic and soon forgotten by the Sith. 

Left in a cell to rot on Nar Shaddaa, Dustin spent another year learning to silence the force inside him. Resentment and anger soon turned to absolution and a void grew where the force once occupied. On the day that Dustin accepted his fate and understood that his death would come in this cell, his door was opened to an Admiral with a proposition. Since Dustin had seen the inner workings of the Sith and understood the atrocities that they were capable of, this Admiral wanted to offer Dustin a career in aiding the Republic destroy the Sith threat. Without second thought, Dustin re-joined the Republic fleet as a corporal for the second time. 

After months of training, Dustin was promoted to sergeant again and placed under the command of General Revan and General Surik, Jedi knights who defied the council to help defeat the Mandalorian invaders in the outer realm. This is how Dustin came into my life.

-

“This was none of your business,” Dustin began, his words shuttering as he spoke. His hands trembled with almost the same intensity of his voice as he avoided eye contact with me. Instead, his sight lingered on the black leather bound book in his hands. 

Cupping his face in my hands, I lifted his eyes to look at mine. “Dustin, it’s nothing. It’s fine,” I explained, almost begging. 

His blank stare assured me that it wasn’t nothing and that this was anything but fine. “Can you,” Dustin swallowed, taking the book from my hands, “leave?” 

I paused, my heart breaking in that moment. The man who I had spent five years wishing for and the past few months falling in love with was now asking me to walk out of his apartment, and in turn out of his life. 

His face continued to stared at the ground, book still in his hands. I stepped back, unable to produce words. 

Pursing my lips, I nodded, not knowing what else to do retreated into the bedroom and began packing a bag of the few items I had accumulated while staying with him. A few articles of clothing, my toiletries, some jewelry, nothing much. I returned to the living room to find Dustin still in the same place that I had left him. 

With my backpack on my shoulder, I made my way back over to him, watching his posture remain the same. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, placing a hand on his face and kissing his opposing cheek before I left the apartment, closing the door behind me. 

Once outside, my emotions exploded. Tears streamed down my face as I slid down the wall to the left of his door. Once on the ground, I huddled with my knees much like I did that first morning in his apartment, only this time rather than fear, my heart was breaking and I had no clue how to fix it. My hair, now much longer, fell in front of my face as I tried to hide from the world around me. Pulling out my holocron, I called one of my girlfriends and sobbed to her before managing to pull myself off of the ground. Promising me a night on the town and to help heal my heartbreak, I began my journey across town to Jordan's place to crash. 

He was my only fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Updated weekly, Friday(sometimes Thursday)-Sunday!!


	4. Let The Flames Begin

Weeks came and went and for Dustin they flew by in a drunken blur. 

He had only hoped the Meetra was in as bad of a shape as he was. 

This is where his life had left him, however. He stared quietly at his reflection in the sun visor on the table before him. The room was silent- so silent that he could hear his own heartbeat. Malachi Dustin Greene ran his hands over the cold table, calming his thoughts. It seemed like he was alone in the holding chamber forever before the servant of the Council entered to retrieve him. 

“Greene?” the young Jedi requested as if there was any doubt that the lone man in the room was him. 

The conference room was cold, but Dustin blocked out the external stimuli. He didn’t need any more distractions. 

“Do you know why you’re here?” Master Bastila Shan spoke, leaning forward in her chair. Dustin had heard stories about Shan, after all who hadn’t? She was married to the Prodigal Knight Revan. She was carrying his child and in times of crisis, she was called upon to sit on the Council. 

None of the other masters spoke. 

Dustin held his silence. Attempting to open his mouth, no words came forth. After the agonizing and deafening silence, Master Yandar lifted his body from his chair. He had met Dustin before. 

He was there when Dustin was rescued from the Sith stronghold and had suggested training for him in the academy before Dustin denied. The pain from his rebellion emitted from the Master’s eyes as he approached the silent Dustin. Placing a shaky hand on his shoulder, Yandar shook his head then proceeded to walk past the young man towards the exit chamber. 

It all happened without thought or rationality. In one fell swoop, Dustin tore his saber from his belt, ignited it and cut through the old Master’s neck with its green blade.

Inhaling deeply, Dustin threw himself up from under the sheets. He shouted out in the darkness, sweat dripping down his bare chest. This was not his room. The woman next to him had started stirring and was rolling over to speak. 

“John?” she mumbled. John- that was his new street name. Everyone had come to associate Malachi with Malak, the once powerful dark lord of the Sith who betrayed his master, Lord Revan, who would later return to overthrow him and bring balance to the Force. 

The only issue with all of this is that Revan disappeared to the outer stretches of who-knows-the-fuck-where, leaving the Force in a limbo of sorts. Dustin knew all too well the history and knew that he played a small role in it. 

And Dustin, the name that he had gone by for years now, sounded filthy coming out of anyone’s mouth except Meetra. 

Dustin shook the woman off of him. “I have to go,” was all he could say as he pulled his pants on and his cloak over his shoulders. Walking out the door, Dustin left the confused woman in silence- as was his style. 

It was the same with Meetra. 

It was the same with everyone since. 

He had become one that was not much for words. Exiting the loft, he descended the stairs, inhaling the smoke from his cigarettes. 

This is what his life had become.

 

-

It was late when I awoke to the sound of the door to my bedroom opening. It was dark and being wrapped in my blankets made the adjustments easier. 

I had finally regained the ability to sleep in my apartment after nearly a month of crashing on friends’ couches or sleeping on someone’s floor. 

I was actually sober and sleeping alone much to the surprise of my friends. My holocron continually beeped with missed calls and messages from the girls requesting that I join them in the cantina, but it never seemed like the right time. 

“We have a new guy for you to meet,” They would offer, honestly trying to help. During the first few days, I would humor them, but after a while, it became exhausting. 

I just couldn’t do it anymore. 

Instead I had begun filling my time with searching through the old archives for information. What I was searching for, I hadn’t decided but I was sure that I’d know when I found it. 

Recently, I had started sleeping with my door unlocked, knowing that my force sensitivity would allow me to hear things—or at least I had hoped. It had been years now since I felt my strongest in the Force, but surely my body, this vessel, would know if something wasn’t right. 

I was wrong. 

The door opened and closed quickly, leaving me once again in darkness. I could sense the individual in the room—strong, but not malicious. Too strong and centered to be a child, but innocent enough in spirit to be. 

I sat up on my haunches as the body reached the foot of my bed, gently climbing over the wooden footboard. They were graceful. Trained. Had I sensed any negativity, I would believe him to be an assassin. 

Why would someone come for me, though? I was no longer a member of the enclave even though I refused to leave this planet. I wasn’t even entirely training myself, but the Sith were after me when I first returned to space, before the Council, before Traya. 

But he wasn’t a Sith. 

Not entirely. 

He was heavy, weighed down by a troubled soul. He slid his body up the bed, crawling up to where I was. Left hand, right knee. Right hand, left knee. 

“Dustin?” I asked, noticing his familiar scent. 

It was home. 

I sat up a bit more. “Shhh,” he hushed me, placing a hand on my shoulder and pushing me onto the bed. I gasped, taken back by his aggression, but that wasn’t it. 

He wasn’t being aggressive. 

He was pleading. 

He was crying. 

He wrapped his arms around my waist and laid his head on my shoulder. I could feel tears of his emotions betraying him. He hadn’t shaved in a while. 

“Just hold me,” he begged, pulling his arms tighter around me. I inhaled, hearing the catch and shutter in his breaths. 

I had spent the last few months getting over him and getting into myself only to find him crawling into my arms. 

This was not how I expected this night to go. 

My only fear was back.

-

My heart skipped a beat as his lips touched min. I felt his tongue enter and fill my mouth as our arms intertwined. Our bodies locked together and he held me tight to him as he laid us down softly on the bed. 

The door was barely closed behind us in my loft and I could see the light from outside flooding in from the crack. With a quick push, the Force left my hand, slamming it shut with a gust before I returned my undivided attention to him. 

Stratting over me, Dustin began to unbutton my shirt, kissing me passionately. Leaning down, he kissed my chest, following the trail that his hands made down my body. 

A slight moan escaped my lips before I cupped my hands over my face in embarrassment. I usually didn’t allow myself to express such excitement, but it was impossible to ignore. It was practically bleeding from my body. My back arched while he slid his hands back up my sides, running his fingers over my tattoos and scars. 

Taking my neck in his hands, he placed another deep kiss on my lips. I put my hands on his check, taking his shoulders in my grip and flipping him under me. He grinned, knowing that without the Force I wouldn’t have been able to flip him.

“You know I love that you’re more powerful than me,” he chuckled, leaning up to kiss me again. I mumbled affirmation into his mouth, not really feeling like talking at the moment. Something about him being a strong Jedi crossed my mind, but we had ignored the argument for two days. Bringing it up now, especially in such an upfront manner would probably ruin everything. It would ruin us. 

Tugging at the hem of my shirt, I pulled it over my shoulders, collapsing onto his chest and kissing him deeply. His fingers danced down my sides and laid their rest on his pants button before starting to unbutton them while I attempted to gently decode the encryption that was his shirt buttons. It was like a maze or a foreign language it seemed as I struggled with frustration at the third button. Losing patience, I settled for ripping it the rest of the way, causing Dustin to smile with his charming, handsome grin. He looked as if he wanted to speak, but maybe my face gave away that words would just slow us down. Instead, he shuffled his body from his pants, kissing my collar bone as he did so. I laced his perfect chest with kissed as a catch escaped his throat. 

“mmm, Meetra,” he whispered, running his hands through my hair. The sound of his voice sent chills through me. I laid my bare chest on his, using it as a leverage to slide my pants off as well. 

We now laid completely bare together, feeling as if it was the first time. My body shivered with anticipation as I waited to see what would happen next. His voice trembled as he spoke those beloved words; “are you sure?” I kissed his slips and smiled before sliding my body down his, taking him inside of me. A large sigh and moan escaped his body as he shuttered with adrenalin. 

“I’ve never been more sure,” I spoke seconds later, lifting my body up and allowing to him to hold my hips. I now strattled him completely as we let the passion in our hearts set the night ablaze. 

-

I woke up to the feeling of shuffling and light breathing beside me. For the first time ever, I wasn’t fearful or in a hurry to shower and leave. Even in the months before when Dustin and I were together, something in me was still itching to flee. 

But not now. 

For the first time ever, I didn’t mind being in someone’s room come daylight. 

For the first time ever, this felt right.

I opened my eyes to the sight of the dimmed room that I had fallen asleep in last night. It was actually mine.

For the first time ever, someone else fell asleep in my room.

For the first time ever, I allowed someone to sleep in my room. Even the two days before I had chased Dustin away for fear of tainting this place. 

Dustin’s arms were wrapped tight around me, but I could tell he was awake. Sensing his eyes blinking and his breathing irregularities, I rolled slightly into him to face him and kissed his soft lips when I reached him… just to be sure.

He smiled, kissing me back as he stroked circles on my bare back. When we pulled away, he smiled and exhaled quickly though his nose. Pursing his lips a couple of times, he looked as if he was pondering his next words carefully before smiling awkwardly again.

“What?” I asked, laughing slightly as his boyish charm. The wrinkles around his eyes smiled for him, as if he needed them to. His scar had become less noticeable to me, even if it was still as prominent. It was as if I couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t have it covering his eye. I could see my reflection in his eyes as he blinked. His small nostrils flared as a small chuckle exited his mouth. Jesus Christ, that mouth. That mouth that could slay me with its words and its actions. 

He interrupted my examination of his flawless face with his words. “I love you,” he responded bluntly, without hesitation this time. They were rehearsed, but no less true sounding. His face was now serious, showing no doubt or question in his statement. 

I couldn’t respond. Crinkling my lips and nose, I looked over his face again, sort of hoping that it would soften and he’d reply that he was joking. My next move would have to be thought out carefully.

“Don’t respond now if you’re not ready,” He finally spoke after what seemed like ages. He kissed my forehead. “I understand.” 

What do you understand?

“I understand everything,” he said, almost as if he read my mind. “You’re trying to get good with the Council.”

Not really.

“I left you.”

Well that’s true.

“Just know, I mean it.” 

No you don’t, I thought, hoping for the first time ever that he could invade my thoughts. No one loved me, least of all not Dustin. Least of all, not now. I swallowed deeply before beginning to speak. The words stumbled without control out of my mouth. “I… I…” I stumbled through my phrasing, unable to form an appropriate sentence to explain the abundance of thoughts in my head.

The Council was almost meaningless to me. 

I had feelings for Dustin, but he abandoned me for caring. 

He had a past. 

Not that I of all people could judge. 

I was currently searching for Revan. 

Bastila had said that she wanted to speak to me when the drama surrounding the Council was over. 

I wanted him to leave my bed now. 

It was no longer safe. 

I needed to shower. 

I needed to go for a run. 

I wanted him to stay. 

I didn’t even know what time it was. 

I didn’t even know what day it was.

Ten thousand other thoughts all raced at the same time, shouting over each other. Nothing would make sense. “I…”, again, I tried, but this time was interrupted by the sound of an alarm. His holorcron illuminated across the room. 

Sighing, he rose from the bed, pulling his pants on as he did. Making his way over to it, he mumbled to himself as the image of Admiral Onassi appeared.

I never met Onassi, only hearing stories of him. However, he was on the top of my list of people to sit down over a drink and chat with. He knew Revan during his return as the Prodigal Knight. He knew my master when he returned. He might know where he was now. 

“General, you’re needed at command,” Onassi spoke to Dustin. It was still formal even though they sounded like friends. Their back-and-forth banter gave away as much. Dustin agreed, shutting the device and placing it in his pocket.

“We’ll continue this conversation later,” he spoke, winking while he made his way over to me. He kissed my forehead, picked up his shirt and made his way towards the door. 

“I hope not,” I said during his ten steps to the exit. He smiled, waving his way through the exit. Exhaling deeply, I threw myself down on the bed, covering my eyes with my hands and groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Updated weekly (thursday-sunday).


	5. What a Shame We All Remain Such Fragile Broken Things

I sat against the wall that my bunk was bolted to, meditating in the ship that had been passed down to me by my former master. The Ebon Hawk was known around the galaxy. Having been used as a slaver ship, a freighter, and used to bring the galaxy from pits of despair, It found me floating in wreckage after my exile. Ever since, she had been in my possession, watching and waiting for our next adventure. Today, hopefully, we’d find out where. I could feel the slow drag as we entered out of hyperspace. The feeling always made my left leg tingle, but ignoring it, I continued meditating—attempting to focus in on the life around me. Instead, Dustin filled my mind.

After his meeting with command, or simply Onassi and a few other seasoned and decorated veterans to talk about how to handle Czerka and other trade organizations that were moonlighting as illicit smuggling groups, Dustin asked me to meet him at the cantina to de-stress and unwind. 

I did, but then I did what I do best. Telling him that I had unfinished business to take care of, I fled. He begged me to stay, much like that first day at his apartment, but this time I was stronger. This time I said no. And somehow, even though I was light years away, he was still here with me.

“Surik, we’re closing in now. Do you mind coming up here?” A voice interrupted my thought over the ship’s speakers. 

Jordan. She was my best friend, second to Dustin, during the wars. She was the only one that I trusted my life with—other than Revan and Dustin, of course. She was the one that I would call with anything—any trouble or any reward. She was the best damn pilot I ever met and even after her retirement, she still was. In fact, she was the reason that, today, we were up and moving. After a run in with some rogue pirates on Nar Shaddaa a few days ago, The Ebon Hawk had suffered a bit more damage than anticipated but her expertise in mechanics helped get us up and running again. Jordan had been a former padawan, abandoning the Jedi code to become a lieutenant during our times in the Mandalorian Wars. Most knew of her during the war, but much like with Dustin, those who served with her knew better than the stories that were told. I never listened much to them. To me, she was Jordan, no matter what anyone else said. She was there even when Dustin was not.

After a few seconds of prepping myself, I stood, making my way to the cockpit. T3-M4 rolled in close beside me, beginning to beep stats about the ship to me. I waved him off, hearing him whine some sarcastic response. Making a mental note, I reminded myself to apologize to my friend later. Now, I had to speak with a different friend—and organic friend. Someone who might be able to tell me where Revan was.

Duxn was cold and wet, just as I remembered. Being this close to the shattered vestiges of the war seemed to be a lot for Jordan to handle. Last time we were here, she murdered in cold blood her first civilian. He was a child, younger than we were at the time, and although he was charging at us, we would later find him to be unarmed and injured. We, in particularly Jordan, had put him down like an animal.

Shaking under her breath, Jordan pulled her cloak closer, wrapping herself tightly.

“You don’t have to come,” I reminded her, wrapping my arm around my friend. This wasn’t the first time in the past hour that I spoke these words to her. Every time, however, she shook it off, knowing that I struggled to return too. Even though I had been here again with Atton and our crew of vagabonds before we defeated the Sith Triumvirate, the voices of the fallen echoed still in our minds. 

“I can’t let you have all the fun,” she mocked, nudging my side with her elbow before embracing me. We were much like sisters and for that I appreciated Jordan. She was always there for me when I needed. “So,” she began, crawling her way out from under my embrace. “Tell me about this man of yours? You haven’t been out drinking with us in a while. Is he back?” 

Continuing our journey, our pace slowed slightly as we talked. Honestly, Jordan wasn’t in any hurry to throw herself into the den of Mandalorians, despite my reassurance that I trusted these people. After all, we had saved each other after the Civil War, and Mandalore the Preserver, or Canderous as Revan knew him, was a friend and close ally of mine. Jordan, however, still had doubts. She still felt their blood on her hands.

“It’s complicated,” I attempted to end this conversation before it started, watching the mud crush under my feet. So much mud. 

“Nope, not good enough,” she shouted, sprinting in front of me and turning to face me. Walking backwards, she stared me in my eyes. “I’m enough of a Jedi to know that you’re lying.” She put her hands on her hips, continuing to walk backwards but with more sass now.

I laughed, pushing her shoulders slightly with my hands and watching her stumbled to turn around and catch her balance at the same time. “You’re not a Jedi. You’re just a pain in my ass.”

“Which is why you asked me to return to this hell-hole with you,” she joked, shoving her hands in her pockets. “But really,” her demeanor changed. “Why are we back here?” Jordan rarely allowed her lack of comfort to show, but she finally opened up. “There’s a lot of static here, you know?” She tapped her right temple with two fingers, blowing a brown lock of hair from her blue eyes. 

I nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. Last time I found myself here, the static was too loud to even hear myself think over. But last time I was here, I also learned a lot about the Force, and about myself. I learned to shield my thoughts and to shield out the noises of others.

Stopping in the middle of a clearing, I pulled Jordan who almost continued walking back beside me. We were alone, or so it looked, but I remembered this clearing. In the middle of it burned a lone fire. We weren’t alone.

“I’m here to meet Mandalore the Preserver,” I spoke into the emptiness, almost scaring my friend. “Tell him that General Surik requests his assistance.” Almost instantly, three Mandalorian scouts deactivate their camouflage and lowered their weapons. 

The center one spoke with authority, “Mandalore will be happy to see his friend.” I recognized his voice almost immediately. “As am I.”

“It’s good to see you too Kelborn,” I said, walking over to the leader and embracing him. Pulling away, he removed his helmet, revealing a very similar, yet slightly aged face. Jordan seemed confused by our interactions when I turned to introduce her, her left hand gripping the still holstered blaster. 

“There’s no need for that,” Kelborn spoke, offering his hand. The Mandalorains were acclimating to interactions nicely. Mandalore must have been trying to reconcile their differences with galactic space. 

Jordan hesitantly released her weapon, taking his hand in her shaky one. She shook it, smiling awkwardly as she did, first at Kelborn, then to me, and finally back at him. 

“Kelborn, can you take me to Mandalore?” I asked again, wanting more than anything to be out of the rain and slime that was Duxn’s forests. 

“Yes, and no ma’am,” he spoke, sliding his helmet under his arm. He dismissed the other guards, giving them assignments to check on the other posts. “He’s gone, ma’am.”

“Gone?” I asked, unsure what he meant. Canderous was alive. I could feel him, or at least I thought that I could. Was Duxn’s aura screwing with me?

Jordan held up a hand to me, pointing a finger at my face. “You mean to say that you drug me out here into this shit-hole,” she said before turning her attention to Kelborn and mumbling a “no offense” to which he shrugged off, putting his helmet back on his head. She continued after taking a breath, “just to find out that you’re man is missing?”

I shrugged, rolling my eyes slightly at her. I turned my attention back to Kelborn, knowing that Jordan would be there when I got back, probably still fuming and pointing at me. “What do you mean, gone?” He shuffled his weight to the other foot, indicating his lack of comfort with explaining the situation. 

“Ma’am,” he began before I cut him off.

“Don’t fucking Ma’am me, Kelborn. Just tell me where your leader is. Mandalore just doesn’t disappear.”

“He’s back, Ma’am,” Kelborn said, turning to look at Jordan who was now looking him up and down. “Revan came and Mandalore left. That’s all that I know.”

I exhaled deeply. My master had returned and not summoned me like he said that he would. Something wasn’t right about this.

“Did he say anything?” Jordan asked for me. It was like she knew the words that I wanted to speak. Kelborn shook his head. 

“Nothing that would help you,” he added to his response. “All I got out of it was that Mandalore was going to reunite the clans and in order to do this he needed to be with Revan. Something about Revan needing him too so it ‘worked out well for all of us’,” He continued, mocking their conversation with air quotes. “They laughed a lot. He was different.”

I smiled. Laughing with Revan was a good sign. Revan laughed a lot before the war, but not so much when I knew him. Bastila would often speak of his contagious laugh, but I never understood. But laughing was good. Laughing meant that he was still guided. 

“So they didn’t say where?” Jordan clarified, turning her head to face me. Kelborn nodded.

“I know where,” I spoke, realizing the truth. “But it’s not time.” I turned to face Jordan again, putting a hand on the younger girl’s shoulder. “Let’s get you home,” I spoke, pulling the obviously irritated woman into turning around. “Thanks Kelborn,” I added over my shoulder, seeing him nod in reply.

“Hey,” he shouted out, jogging the 20 steps between us. Turning to him, I was greeted immediately with a hug, his cold armor against me. “Don’t take so long to come back next time, ok?” the man who kicked my ass in the battle circle years before spoke, pulling me in closer.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, returning the hug. “I will,” I laughed, getting a laugh in return before he released me. I turned again and began walking towards the direction of our ship, Jordan falling into step behind me.

Once we were a safe distance from the scout camp, the question finally poured from her. “What the fuck was that?” she asked, throwing her hands up. 

“That was Kelborn. The Mandalorians are different now. Mandalore the Preserver respects Revan.” I sighed, pulling my hood up over my head at last. “He respects me. They’ll help us.”

“Help us what?” She asked, pulling her hood up as well and shoving her hands deep into her pockets. 

“I’m not sure,” I responded truthfully. 

Honestly, I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that something was out there and if Revan was returning to ask for help, it was huge. It needed to be stopped.

Kreia had told me that there were greater things out there than us—things that needed to be stopped before it was too late. Only part of me wanted to believe her dying words, but now, that part of me was convincing the other. Maybe there was something larger and worse than us at play. And if there was, then it needed to be stopped before it took over. I needed to find Revan.

“What about Dustin?” Jordan asked, interrupting my thoughts. And there he was again, lingering in the corners of my mind, making his reappearance. If we are going to stop whatever’s there, we’re going to need his help. We’re going to need his power.

“Let’s go home,” I said, seemingly dismissing her claim. Truth be told though, that was the answer to her question. Let’s go home.

-

I was actually surprised that Dustin agreed to meet with me. For over a week and a half now, he had heard nothing from me. I left him in a cantina to go gallivanting around the galaxy with my friends with no communication or no information, but yet he still agreed to meet me… and even more confusing, he asked if we could meet at the Jedi Enclave on Coruscant. 

Something sounded strange in his voice as he shuffled papers around on a desk. He was avoiding eye contact with me and awkwardly shifting his weight before we ended our holocron communication. I couldn’t tell what, but he was hiding something from me. 

Closing the device, I slid it in my pocket and gathered my own papers on my research. Shoving them haphazardly in my bag, I slid the strap over my shoulder and headed towards the door, checking my reflection one last time in the mirror before heading out into the world.

-

Walking into the enclave was weird. Even though very few judged me now, there were still whispers and hidden glances from across the rooms when I would pass through. The order was comprised mainly on new, younger Jedi, but still the few lingered from past times—from my judgment. 

Atris, for one, was no stranger to my judgment. She was on the Council who exiled me and resumed her play into my life during the rebuilding after my return. After her bout with the Sith’s manipulation, she returned to help rebuild the Council, a feat I did not feel comfortable with. I don’t believe that she ever forgave me for my following Revan into war, but even more-so, I don’t believe that she ever forgave me for seeing her in her moment of weakness. As Sith holocrons hissed around her, she renounced their teachings at my urgings and returned to the light again, walking away from Sith control and leaving her underground strong-hold on Telos. And yet, somehow she never walked away from me.

“Surik,” the far too familiar voice spoke, entering the room from the door opposite of me. I didn’t feel like talking, but avoiding Master Atris was not an option.

“Atris,” I spoke, disregarding formalities as I glanced her one over. Her hair was getting longer again—much like it was at my trial. Her face was aged, but the strange glow emanating around her was, again, bright. She was at peace again—as much as Atris knew. She was haughty and proud, but as a historian, she knew more about the temptation of the dark side than most, and to date, she had done well to avoid it, all things considered. Her cloak was newly pressed and dragged behind her. So old-fashioned.

“I’ve noticed something…. Strange,” she said to me, obviously looking me over too. I was not in traditional Jedi uniform. I rarely wore my cloak around… Pretentious wasn’t my style. Instead, donning my typical dark pants and fitted top, I blended more with the outside world than with the Jedi. This was ok to me. Atris obviously disapproved. “You’ve been researching a lot about lost worlds… Worlds outside of Republic space.” Pulling her holocron from her pocket, she pulled up a holographic list of planets that I’ve taken recent interest in. 

Truth be told, I was searching for Revan, but Atris couldn’t know. The Council had surely, for the most part, never forgiven him for not returning after the Star Forge. He helped rebuild the Republic then, after his marriage to Master Shan, disappeared into the far reaches of unknown space, leaving the Jedi at the verge of Civil War and, inevitably destruction before I returned. If they knew that I had an idea of where he might be, the Council would surely urge me to ask him to return. This was something that I could not do… not for the same reasons at least.

“Just doing some research on our history, Atris,” I spoke, a minor stab in the word OUR. I knew she would never consider me a Jedi again, especially after I vocalized my unconditional siding with Revan and Master Shan in the argument of love and marriage. 

She smirked, closing her holocron and returning it to her cloak before taking a step closer to me. We were now just inches from each other’s faces. The lines in which the Force traveled through her were clearer now. I could feel the power surging through her. She was always strong—stronger than I thought. “I know what you’re up to,” she began, almost whispering, placing a hand on my arm. “He did the same thing before he disappeared. Don’t think we don’t know.”

“Meetra,” a voice interrupted us, thankfully, right as I began to become frustrated with her. 

Who was she to talk of my master and friend? 

What did she think that she knew? 

Dustin, however, interjected just as I was preparing my words for battle. Atris withdrew, taking her arm and her demeanor with her a few steps away from me. Walking towards us from the front doors, Dustin stepped closer to me, looking Atris up and down. 

Was our conflict that obvious?

“It’s been nice, Surik,” Atris spoke, turning away from me. “May the Force be with you,” she added, quite pointedly with a backwards glance before returning through the doors that she had emerged from minutes before.

“Who was that?” He asked, continuing to watch the doors as he spoke. His hands were now in his pockets and his shoulders hunched over slightly, indicating his lack of comfort in this place. It was as if he was retreating within himself—trying to disappear.

I turned on my heel towards the library, obviously begging for him to follow. “Atris,” I said, shaking my head. He would have no reason to know her. “She’s just a master on the Council.” I attempted to not give away my contempt in my words, but surely I was failing.

“So she’s important?” He asked, jogging to catch up with me. It was only then that I noticed the folder hidden under his arm.

I groaned a response as we walked towards the doors. I opened them using the Force—a slide of my hand to the right. Watching Dustin’s reaction, I noted the lack of change. He wasn’t as afraid of the Force when it came from me, but I noted the shifting eyes at all of the other Jedi within the enclave as they acted.

Walking through the long hall, we moved past a room of younglings playing. They were new force users, but some were still powerful. 

Dustin had always wanted kids; I remember that from when we were in the military together. He would sit on my bunk with me, feet pushing against the bunk above mine and talk about his future children’s names. They were all ridiculous names such as Brick or Mahogany, but his face would light up during such conversations.

The expression on his face today, however, did not change. He didn’t even notice the children playing and instead continued to watch the path before him. He was hiding something. Or maybe I had finally broken him.

Reaching the library at last, we made camp at the table furthest from the door. It’s not like privacy is really available at the Enclave—you know, a building full of force wielders in the center of the galaxy, but if there was anywhere that we would find a sliver of silence, it was here.

He glanced over at me, shoving the folder out towards me. “There’s two things in here for you. One is about your research…”

How did he know? I had told no one… not even Jordan, even after her continual berradment of questions during our journey.

“… The other is a little more personal. You deserve at least that,” he said, sliding a chair out and taking a seat as if he would wait for me to read it. That’s exactly what he planned on doing. Crossing his arms and resting his elbows on the table, he leaned forward, relaxing into his seat.

I sat my body in the seat across from him, sliding the papers out of the folder. There were two packets, one labeled with the Republic Insignia and the other unmarked. Opening the labeled one first, I recognized a list of planets and docking codes. It was a loosely figured itinerary… but for what? Glancing up at him, I noticed his smile and it hit me. 

“… but how?” I stuttered, shoving the papers back into the envelope. No one could know they were there. If anyone knew that we knew where Revan was, surely an army would be after him soon, for one reason or another. 

He leaned back, exhaling slowly. Perhaps he had been afraid of the reception that he would get, but he finally seemed to actually relax. He ran a hand across his rugged chin, alerting me to the fact that he needed to shave. 

Suddenly, I started noticing small things about him that the holocron had not given away. 

He had a bruise on his left cheek bone. It was healing, but still prominent. 

There were also small abrasions next to his left eye. They looked like scuff marks, like his face had been drug across a floor. 

On his right arm, just below his rolled up sleeves, a burn was healing. 

“I’ve got friends,” he stated, smiling and leaning in closer to me, signaling me to do the same. We were only inches from each other’s face when he started to speak again. “The military has been monitoring the outer worlds—ones not members of the Republic. They’ve been surveying since the war and they started noting that ships were coming and going, but not sending any kind of docking information. These ships followed a pattern.” He smiled, looking down at the envelope, “I think it’s Revan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Updated Weekly (Thursday-Sunday)!


	6. I Won't Look Back Because There's No Use

The docking port on Iziz was nearly completely empty by the time the Sith Marauder reached the surface. With the exception of one guard and one merchant, no one was there to question the man’s motives. Talk had spread quickly that the Mandalorians were planning an attack and no one knew better their first move than the people of Iziz. Because of Onderon’s stability, it was only a matter of time before Iziz would fall to the Mandalorians if the Republic didn’t intervene and stop this war before it began.

That’s what Greene was here.

The rising sun would indicate to the city’s nearly 4 million inhabitants that the day was beginning and Greene had to be done with his business here before that occurred. 

Pulling his hood over his head and shuffling his visor, the young Marauder began his journey towards the palace—and towards Queen Talia. 

With each step, his anticipation grew. Every person he passed, he craved to cut through quickly with his blade. His power had grown and he longed for nothing more than to feed the starving, insatiable monster inside of him. He desired their blood to wash over this city. He yearned for the destruction that his master had promised him. “Soon,” he whispered to himself with each passing civilian. Soon he would have his time. 

After clearing the entrance hall almost too easily, Greene walked down the corridor to a meeting room that had been previously designated especially for this occasion. 

It’s not that the Queen knew that she was going to die today. 

Instead, she thought that she was meeting with a delegate from the neighboring planet of Korriban to discuss the impending war. 

It’s not that this statement was entirely false. 

It just wasn’t true either.

Entering into the final room on the left of the hall, Greene helped himself to a seat. The guards opposite the room maintained eye contact and he couldn’t help but laugh at how the young humans trembled at his gaze. 

Lifting his hand, Greene fixed his attention to the guard on his right. He was the larger, more confident man, but still he shook like a child. Giving his outstretched hand a small squeeze, Greene robbed the air from the man’s lungs. Without second thought, the guard raised his hands to his throat in a vain attempt to stop the choking. Laughing, Greene squeezed a bit tighter, listening to the choking sounds exiting the guard’s mouth. He could feel the man’s life force leaving him. In one final squeeze, Greene ended the guard’s life without hesitation, lowering his hand and, in turn, dropping the man to the floor.

The other guard raised his weapon to Greene, which prompted laughter from the Marauder. With little effort, Dustin lifted the guard off of his feet and into the air. Tossing the young man against the wall with just a flick of his wrist, Dustin stood from his chair. Both guards lay dead on the ground near his exit. Stepping over one of their bodies, he removed his hood, revealing his head to the security camera for the first time. 

His boldness had no doubt alerted the guards who were inevitably on their way to this meeting room now. Removing his visor, he looked into the camera’s half sphere on the wall and smiled before ruining it with a small force push. 

Hopefully, the guards in the palace got to see his face so they knew it before he came to kill them. 

He wanted them to see the face of death.

-

I didn’t even want to question how Dustin knew about my research. If it was that obvious to him, perhaps it was obvious to everyone else.

Or maybe he sensed it. 

Was he possibly that strong in the Force?

“I mean… It might not be,” he finally spoke again, catching me off guard as I was preoccupied bending the corners of the paper folder. “But it seems too much of a coincidence, you know?”

I looked up at him, unzipping my pack and cramming the folder inside with the other papers and notes from my search. “How did you get this?” I asked, knowing that he couldn’t have possibly just walked into command and printed all of this off without being noticed.

There were coordinates, docking codes, astro drift charts and planetary conditions for easily 10 plus planets in the folder, not to mentions security surveillance images from the freighters and contact information from the docking ports. There’s no way that this information isn’t noticed when missing.

He smiled that charming smile of his, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. Crossing his ankles with his heels on top of the table, he said “I have my ways,” as if he had a secret to keep from me.

Dustin seemed as if he forgot where he was for a moment. It was nice to see him comfortable, but I couldn’t let him draw any more attention to himself than his presence already was. Pushing his feet off the table, I laughed as his body lunged closer to me.

“What’s in this one?” I asked, taking the other, smaller packet in my hand. Sliding my finder under the flap, I began opening it before he stopped me. 

Placing a scarred hand over mine, I noticed new injuries. His fingers were cut and burned as if he had gotten them trapped in the hilt of a lightsaber before it ignited incorrectly. All Jedi once experienced their first failure at building a lightsaber. The look is almost unmistakable. 

He must have noticed my quick examination of his hands as he pulled back, retreating into himself once again. “Don’t open that one here,” he said, crossing his arms again, hiding his hands. “That’s for you. It explains everything.” 

Everything, What? I asked myself, not daring to speak out loud, but it was as if he could read my mind again.

“It fills in the gaps in the journal.” He shook his head, swallowing deeply before glancing down at the packet and then back up at me. “No more secrets,” he mumbled, standing as if he was leaving. 

“Where are you going?” I asked, standing up with him. No. I had just gotten back. I had left him for almost 2 weeks without warning and now I was back and I wanted to meet with him. 

After all, he wasn’t allowed to walk out. That’s what I did.

“I’ve got to go take care of some things, but I’ll call you later, ok?” He asked, beginning to walk away as if not waiting for a reply. I remained where I was, unable to process exactly what was happening. 

Dustin didn’t leave. 

I was always the one that left. 

But right now, he was walking out on me.

“Oh, by the way,” He stopped just a few feet short of the door. “Do you want to go to a wedding with me?” he asked, turning to look at me. His hands were in his pockets and his stance was back to his uncomfortable, defensive gait that would protect him from the powers of the enclave.

I simply looked at him for a few seconds, processing the question that he asked. “Sure?” I said, more of a question than a reply.

“Awesome,” was all that he had to say in return as he turned and waited for the doors to open for him. I guess he forgot that they weren’t motion activated but that everyone who walked in front of them was a Jedi. I waved the doors opened after a couple of seconds of him waiting to which he turned and waved on his way out, unaware of the fact that I helped him. 

Chuckling slightly, I put the other packet in my backpack and made my way to the information console, the new information in my pack burning a hole in my mind. I wanted to begin research on these places immediately, but that would have to wait when I was away from the prying eyes of the Council, more in particularly, Atris. 

For now, I’d settle for continuing my search for my friends. I still needed to find Atton and Mical.

-

Entering the hallway outside of the door, Greene silenced his thoughts. He listened to the air around him, sensing the life of every organic being in the building. Droids were harder, but if he listened enough, he could hear their heavy metallic footsteps on the marble floors. This was going to be easy. 

What Greene wasn’t expecting, however, was the presence of another Jedi. Hidden beneath the cloak of the Force, Master Kavar stood with Queen Talia in her chambers, waiting for the Marauder.

Making his way into the throne room, Greene left the shattered remains of the metal door and a slew of bodies behind him. 

“I could not feel you,” Greene spoke, his voice rattled with the presence of the dark side. He stood upright, removing his cloak and brushing off his black robes. Kavar would be easy. 

Kavar stood in the middle of the throne room, the door to the Queen’s chambers no more than 20 feet behind him. 

He ignited his blue blade, taking a defensive stance against Greene. “There are many things that you are blind to, young Sith.”

Greene snorted, not really feeling up to having a lesson taught by a Jedi guardian right now. Force pulling his saber from his belt, the Marauder ignited the blade when it touched his hand. Moving it to hold in both hands, he ignited the other end, revealing the double bladed lightsaber.

 

Greene would never meet Talia. Kavar was strong—stronger than the young, blond master would give away. 

-

Dantooine had once been the center of the Jedi council. In fact, on two separate occasions, this planet had been home to the Jedi, but now all that was left of the Jedi was a devastated enclave and a barren cave infested with Kinraths. 

Once the center of the Force within the Jedi, Dantooine was now simply a shell. 

The now slightly older Mical wandered these halls alone now, watching over the relics and information stored here as he had done years before. This time, however, he didn’t have to worry about looters or Kath Hounds. All Mical worried about was whether or not his friends survived. Mical felt a connection with this placed and saw its value, which is why he returned even after he was asked to join the Council and help rebuild the Order.

He gracefully declined. The Jedi Council was not for him. If it wasn’t for The Exile, the one who trained him, the one who helped restore the Council into its place, the one who they looked down on, then it wasn’t for him. Instead, he chose her. Instead, he chose here. 

This was the place that he first met Surik. He knew from an early age that she would change his life. When she first taught his class of younglings, he fell in love with her. Not in a romantic way, but Mical knew that he had to study with her. What he didn’t know was that he would grow into an adult, a historian, not a Jedi before he would have that chance.

What he would later learn from her was that it was never too late to change your path. She opened the path to being a Jedi to him again and taught him to hear the Force sing, just like she spoke of years before with his class. He often wondered if it was too late to change his path again, go back to the Order. Ask for entry. But this is where he belonged.

He held the same ideals that the Order stood for, but certain things stood out as incorrect to him. Namely, his love for his now deceased wife and the love that Master Shan had for Master Revan. The Council would deny these, but Mical couldn’t. He loved Katherine too much, even in death.

He had heard the reports, hell, he had even put his own hand in the recovery of the Order, but he had also heard the rumors that Revan had returned and that Surik was searching for him. It’s not hard when you help establish a Council to get report on their doings. In fact, it’s harder to get them to leave you alone, especially when you walk out on them. He couldn’t say that he was sorry that they told him though. He had hoped he’d hear from Surik again soon. 

And even more so, he felt the disturbances at hand. While he may not have used the Force in some time, he still reserved his connection, and it was that connection that was about to save his life.

As a familiar hiss interrupted his thought, Mical turned and ignited his blade just in time to stop his enemy’s saber from making contact with his body. Blocking the blow, he tried to get a good look at his attacker, but the darkness within the old enclave’s hallway and the cloak of his opponent blocked their face. 

Moving quickly, The Disciple was able to block every one of his opponent’s blows as they migrated into the enclave’s library. The open room allowed for a more appealing fight, plus, Mical hoped that the light would illuminate his attacker’s face more. He was wrong. They were well hidden behind a mask much like that which was donned by Lord Revan during his reign over this Sith.

It hit Mical right then. This was not a Sith, however. The way in which the yellow blade of the Sentinel came down towards Mical was too planned, too deliberate to be Sith.

For his lack of training over the last few years, Mical was quick and kept up with his attacker. He could feel himself tiring, however, and when I grew tired, Mical made mistakes. The last of these was the miscalculation that allowed his attacker to disarm Mical, stealing his lightsaber quickly from the ground before knocking him to the dust below. 

The Disciple stood on his knees in front of his attacker who now donned two crossing blades in front of him, ready to behead him. Closing his eyes, Mical mumbled to himself, “There is only the Force,” the last life from the Jedi code as he accepted his faith.

Suddenly, his opponent disarmed the lightsabers, laughing. Mical opened his eyes, looking at his attacker as he stood. Sliding their hands into the hood, they removed their mask.

-

I stood in front of my old friend Mical in the abandoned enclave, surrounded by his life’s trial. He had been hard at work since I last saw him. Seemed nothing changed.

“You’re doing well, old man,” I said, handing him back his saber. A smile broke across his lips as his took his weapon and holstered it, continuing to look at me for a moment of silence. “Are you going to hug me and make up?” I asked, reaching my arms out for him.

“You haven’t changed, I see,” Mical finally spoke, embracing me and burying his face into my neck. “Still an asshole. And I’m way younger than you,” he finally acknowledge my old joke. Although this was true, I’d never let him forget that he aged way quicker than I did. “How have you been?” He asked, releasing me. 

He glanced me over as I removed my hood. It was as if he was looking for injuries or mechanical body parts. He wanted to know that I was safe.

“Busy,” I began, walking over to one of the dust covered tables and laying down my backpack. I turned to Mical, ushering him over, “And I need your help.” Removing the papers, I laid out a mixture of the packet Dustin had brought me and my own findings across the table before I removed my cloak. Once Mical began looking though the papers, I explored the library. 

It had been a while since I was here last. In fact, the last time I was even on Dantooine was when the masters were reuinited here before their demise by my master. I had brought them here to their death, but ultimately the fault was not my own. Darth Traya had betrayed us all, but still, I felt their breathing down my necks.

The last time I entered the library was when I first encountered Mical for who he really was. Of course I had met him when he was a youngling, but when I met Mical in the enclave library years ago, I felt the Force within him. He was strong, but even more so than that, he was smart. He had dedicated his life to Jedi, even after they denied him. After he was deprived of entry into training because of the war, Mical still gave his life to the Order, becoming a historian. He knew everything about the Jedi, I was convinced, even when the Jedi wanted nothing to do with him.

The library was kept neat and clean, despite the dust and crumbling foundations around it. There were places where it looked like someone had attempted to rebuild the structure, but it didn’t help. The enclave was dying, and Mical was still inside.

“What exactly am I looking at here?” He asked, almost as if he already knew. I paced back to the table, placing a hand on his shoulder while I looked over him at the table. He already had the planet sheets lined up according to time stamps. 

“Revan,” I said bluntly, stepping beside him. “He’s back.” Mical turned to look at me before looking back down at the sheets. “And I need you to tell me where he’s going next,” I spoke, finishing my thought. 

He sighed, running a hand through his longer blond hair. “It’ll take time. I’m not even sure if I can do it.”

“You can do it,” I reassured him, patting him on the back, grabbing my cloak and zipping up my backpack. “If there’s anyone who can do it, it’s you.” I pulled my backpack over my shoulders before kissing him on the cheek and turning towards the door. Before I could reach it, his voice stopped me in my tracks.

“What’s in it for me, Meetra?” He asked with a chuckle. I turned around to see him looking at me, leaning against the table with his feet crossed.

“You’ll get your seat on the Council,” I smiled, knowing that if there’s any one comment that I could make that would set him off, it would be that.

He huffed, throwing his hands up and turning back to the table. Leaning over and examining the papers, he spoke again, “You know I don’t want anything to do with the Council.”

I smiled, turning to exit. “And you know that you do,” I said, smiling as I held the edge of the door and spun one last time to look at him. “Bye, Mical”

“Bye Meetra. I’ll see you soon.”

-

The ship jolted slightly as I landed in my hangar on Coruscant. I cringed, knowing that I could do better and that the Ebon Hawk deserved better, but really all that I wanted to think about right now was Dustin. All I wanted now was to hug him and breathe in his scent.

Home.

Walking into my apartment was different. It no longer felt as homey as before. My blues and blacks and whites reminded me more of the enclave and less of myself than anything else. Throwing my bags down on the floor next to my bed, I made my way to the refresher. Dustin would have to contact me, despite how much I wanted him. I refused to be the one to need him, even if I did, in fact, need him.

Turning on the water, I watched as the steam rose to the ceiling, dancing around in circles before being sucked up into the vent. Exiting my clothes, I entered the mist and allowed it to wash space off of me. I could feel my muscles relaxing. Finally, I felt tired. Exhaustion was creeping up on me. 

Nothing a nap couldn’t heal. 

If anything, it would pass time until Dustin called.

Or at least until Mical contacted me with an update. 

Either way, the only downside to resting was having to get out of my warm shower, and that wasn’t happening for at least another 30 minutes. Closing my eyes, I laid my head back and allowed the water to continue to flush over my body.

Once the water started to run cold, I turned the knobs with my waterlogged fingers and reached for a towel. For the first time in a long time, my mind was clear and empty. It was almost as if the shower had turned off everything, shutting down all thoughts of Revan or Dustin for a brief moment. Reaching for the door to my bedroom, I realized how short lived that moment of peace would be.

“Woah,” Dustin’s voice exclaimed as he threw his arms up over his face and turned around as if he had never seen my body before. He stood there for a moment before shifting his weight awkwardly from side to side. “I knocked,” he began, voice muffled by the hands over his face. “But you didn’t answer and the door wasn’t closed all the way.”

I’ve really got to stop doing that.

I pulled the towel closer around me, engulfing my body in its hold. “No, no, it’s fine,” I faltered through words as I stumbled over to my dresser to find clothes. Pulling out a shirt and some pants, I dropped my towel to get dressed. 

“I wanted to talk to you about…” Dustin began, turning too soon. I was still not dressed and he was obviously not comfortable with this idea. “You know, I’ll come back,” He finished, turning against me again.

“No!” I exclaimed, dropping my shirt before I had the chance to put it on and reaching out to grab his hand. “Just, give me a second,” I said trying, and failing, to pick it up again. 

He threw up his arms in acceptance, still with his back turned to me. He stayed this way until I grabbed his arm and pulled him into me.

Fully clothed, I pulled Dustin in closer, wrapping my arms around his neck to hug him. At first he seemed a bit surprised, but he accepted it not two seconds later, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me off of the ground.

“I missed you,” I said when my feet hit the floor. Separating, I took a seat on the bed and began lacing my boots around my right foot. He stayed standing, watching me as I worked.

“I missed you too,” he said, almost immediately. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he began to speak again, “I wanted to come by and talk about the wedding.” I nodded. “It’s for one of my crew mates,” he continued, talking with his hands. “It’s this weekend and…”

“This weekend?” I cut him off with my exclamation. That was not nearly enough time to prepare, especially with everything going on!

“Well If you wouldn’t disappear every three weeks,” he began, obviously irritated before clearing his throat and apologizing. “I know it’s soon, but I’ll help you get ready and what-not.” He brushed his hair back from his eyes when I looked up from my boot.

His hair was getting long. It sort of reminded me of the scruff that Revan wore. With a little slick back, it would be super attractive, not that he wasn’t already. He was still unshaven, his beard coming in fuller now. I realized it then though…

“How are you growing out facial hair with work?” I asked, standing and making my way over to him. I placed a left hand on his face and brushed through his scruff. Running my thumb over the scar that lined his jaw, I watched at the muscles in his face relaxed.

“I resigned,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and putting a hand over mine. He gently stroked my hand with his thumb in silence as I stood shocked. His scarring was healing nicely.

“What?” I finally asked, pulling my hand back.

The military was Dustin’s life. He had always been integral to whatever mission was going on and always made it his first priority. How could he just walk away from it like that? There had to be something more going on.

“A lot things surfaced and I’m not willing to deal with that drama,” he explained vaguely, brushing the air around him as if it would dismiss the thoughts as he walked over to my shelves and began surveying the books and notes on them. Compared to his shelves, mine were bare.

Compared to his apartment, mine was empty. I never spent much time here until his return and only just recently realized how much of a shell my place was.

He placed a thumb on a book, pulling it off of the shelf and flipping through the pages. 

“The suit is black, by the way,” he said, not looking up from the book. 

The wall between us was obvious and drilling a hole in my emotions quickly. I wasn’t sure how much more of this idle banter I could tolerate between us. 

“It’s simple, so that should be easy.” He closed the book, lifting it to show me the cover. Mechanics and Weapons Building.

It was a book that I had purchased when I first joined the service to help me learn how to upgrade weapons quickly. I never read it. In reality, the war just taught me that. 

“Do you mind if I borrow this for the week?” he asked, not waiting for a reply before he slid it under his arm.

As he made his way towards the door, I refused to let it end like this. 

“Will we ever be back to normal?” I asked, falling down onto the bed. I sat up and watched him as he turned slowly, avoiding eye contact with me. My hands shook slightly as I awaited his response. Brushing my hair in front of my eyes, I avoided his stare as he lifted his head from the floor.

“Meetra,” he began scratching right above his left eye. “Don’t you see? This is the way it’s always been.” He swallowed so hard that I could hear it from where I was sitting.

“What if I don’t like this?” I asked, wringing my fingers so as to stop them from giving away my trembling. It probably didn’t work. “What if I want to change it?”

“Do you?” He asked, raising an eyebrow before turning towards the door again. With one hand on the handle, he turned back to me once more. “I mean, do you really?”

I nodded, not even knowing if he was looking at me or not. Biting my lower lip, I fought back tears, not feeling like letting emotions get the best of me. 

Not this time.

“Hmm,” he mumbled, opening the door and sliding most of the way through it. With his eyes still on me, he smiled halfway, awkwardly, before speaking again. “Friday at 7. I’ll be here,” he said, exiting and closing the door behind him.

Exhaling deeply, I blew the hair from in front of my face and wiped my eyes. Standing, I gathered the towel and my dirty clothes from my bag and threw them in the hamper to be washed later. 

Throwing myself back on the bed, I crawled under the blankets, boots still on my feet. 

Why did I even put them on?

I guess I anticipated going somewhere with him?

Naïve.

Pulling the blankets up around my face, I tucked myself in before allowing the tears to flow. 

It was only 3 days until Friday. I could wait that long.


	7. Don't You Ever Wonder How We Survive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HeyGuys!!! Thanks for reading! Find me on tumblr and send me some messages if you want!  
> http://shaneycakes-1131.tumblr.com/

My holocron screamed at me from across the darkened room. I had fallen asleep there under the covers and rested peacefully until this disruption. Throwing the blankets off of my body, I swung my heavy feet over the bed, realizing that my boots were still laced tightly around my feet. The device illuminated just a small portion of my room, but enough for me to make my way over to it without bumping into anything.

“Did I wake you, gorgeous?” A familiar voice jolted me awake. Only one person ever called me gorgeous in that tone. Atton Rand’s face appeared on my holocron, illuminating the room around me with the blue glow.

“mmm,” I mumbled, yawning and wiping my eyes with my free hand. “Only a little. You know I never really sleep,” I joked, remembering how much I missed my old friend.

Atton had traveled with Mical the rest of our team when we were rebuilding the order. Unlike Mical and I, however, Atton chose to stay with the Order. He finally made peace with his past and welcomed the Force into his life without question. 

I remember the peace that rushed over us when he finally gave into the Force. We were standing in the Refugee Sector of Nar Shaddaa after just crippling the Exchange’s presence when he poured his life into my hands. Telling be about his past, how he murdered Jedi and tortured them for information, Atton finally began accepting himself instead of avoiding it. He was a strong Jedi, there was never any doubt about that.

In fact, Atton was the one who taught me to shield my thoughts. While I taught him the ways of the Force, he taught me to close up my walls so that others couldn’t invade my mind. It seems so elementary now, but before Atton, counting cards was just something done at the Pazaak table, not something done in my imagination to keep the Sith at bay.

“No you don’t, do you?” He asked, not expecting an answer. 

The static over the link told me that he was traveling and suddenly I became sad. Being on Coruscant meant that I was close to the order, and close to Atton. Feeling the wave of sadness rush over me, I realized that I never went to visit him after I left. Once they got the Council up and running, I left my friends, him, Brianna, Mical, Mandalore, and never once looked back. 

And now, when I need them, they’re all here for me…

Like the good friends that they are.

Like the good friend that I’m not.

“Look,” He began, moving his face closer to his link, making his hologram appear to be a larger version of his face. “I can’t really talk much, but that annoying history professor of yours asked me to help you out with something.” He and Mical never got along—this I remembered. After our adventures, that didn’t seem to change, but something was different in Atton’s voice. He seemed free of the anger that he once held towards Mical. Maybe now he was just keeping up the façade for image’s sake. “And I have some leads that may help you.”

I smiled with excitement. It was good to have my friends back, but even better to be working with them again.

“But I need answers too,” he interrupted my thoughts. Sliding away from the comlink again, the image opened up to his whole body once again. I recognized his robes. He still wore his original pair. Aesthetics, he would probably say if I brought it up. “Meet me at the enclave in 10 days. Mical and Brianna will be there as well,” he added the last part with a smile. 

Brianna was a special case. I remember meeting her on Telos. She was part of Atris’ hidden academy on the surface, serving Atris as she researched the rebuilding of the Order. What Brianna didn’t know was that she was Force sensitive. Being Echani, her sisters were deaf to the force, but because she was only half Echani and only their half-sister, Brianna was different. Even though they constantly reminded the young handmaiden of this, none of them knew what this entailed.

After she snuck aboard my ship to monitor me as Atris requested, she grew to understand the half of her that her mother resided in. Finally accepting the Force into her life, Brianna began a new journey with me, turning her back on Atris’ twisted agenda and becoming the second strongest Jedi I had ever encountered… Only second to Revan.

Still, with all of this power, Brianna was extremely centered. She was the calm to Atton’s storm.

 

Shaking my head free from the past, I smiled wider, nodding before speaking again. “Will do. And Atton,” I added the last part, watching his eyes drift away to something behind this link. He was preoccupied. “Be safe.”

He nodded, grinning out of the corner of his mouth. “May the Force be with you too, Meetra.”

-

Friday came too quickly. 6:30 on Friday came too quickly and with it brought a new kind of terror. 

I was not dressed. 

My hair was not fixed. 

I didn’t know what I was wearing.

I was covered in sweat as I rushed through the door of my apartment from my evening run, realizing the gravity of my situation. Opening my closet, I called Jordan on my holocron, panicking and unable to decide for myself what to do.

“Calm down,” she said through her laughter. Her image looked on as I threw clothing from inside my closet out onto the bed. “You’re going to be fine.”

I huffed at her, growing a groan as I sat down on the floor next to my bed. “If I’m going to fix things then it has to be perfect!” I almost shouted the last words, picking up one black dress after the next and showing it to her. She dismissed them all with a push of her hand, making some comment about the number of black dressed that I owned.

Is 27 too many?

“Is he even trying?” she asked, obviously losing patience with my efforts. She was walking out her door, still carrying her holocron with her. “I mean, he kind of left you hanging.”

I sighed, “yes,” not even knowing if that was true. “I mean, I guess? He really doesn’t have to fix anything.” Glancing up, I surveyed the area around her in her holograph and realized that she was walking down the street away from her house. “Where are you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“I’m on my way to your place. Shower and shit before I get there because you’re hopeless,” she said with a laugh. She blew a kiss at the holocron before ending the com-link. 

I exhaled, picking up the pile of black before throwing it on my bed with the others and making my way to the refresher. If she was coming, then I had to be ready to get dressed by the time she got here. Jordan was not only the best pilot I knew, but also the best fashionista. She’d have everything fixed before I even got done showering.

And I was right. Not even having time to enjoy the feeling of the warm water on my sore muscles, I heard her shouting through my apartment.

“You never close the door,” she screamed as she opened the door to the refresher, letting all of the warm air loose. “Hurry up,” she said quieter, no longer needing to shout. “We have 10 minutes until he’s supposed to be here.”

A new sense of anxiety built up in me. 10 minutes. We have 10 minutes to make me wedding worthy. If anyone could do it, however, it was Jordan. There was no question about that.

Stepping out of the shower, I dried my hair and body off with a towel before wrapping up in it. Thankfully my hair was finally getting long enough to do something with. Maybe Jordan would actually have a canvas to work with. Walking into the bedroom, I glanced over at my friend who was busy checking out her make-up in the mirror.

“Are you getting ready for a date too?” I asked jokingly. She sneered at me, tossing me a dress and throwing a pair of heels next to my feet. 

“No you asshole,” she replied, opening a drawer to my dresser and rummaging through it. “I’ve just already done the hard part. Now put that on so I can fix that face of yours.” She smiled at her joke while not looking up from the drawer.

“What’s there to fix?” I asked, turning into the refresher to change. Sliding the dress over my body, I heard her mumble something about my ‘ugly mug’ through the sounds of her thrashing. “Jesus woman, are you breaking everything?” I asked, emerging from the room just as Jordan turned her head.

“Holy shit,” my friend exclaimed, throwing her hands in front of her mouth. It was as if she’d never seen me seriously dress up before. And in that moment, I realized that she hadn’t. She had seen me at clubs and bars, but this was different. She paced over to me, putting her hands on the sides of my arms and holding me. Moving her head back, she glanced me over once more. “You look so hot!”

I laughed at her, shoving her hands off of me. I was not hot. Hotness is not something that Meetra Surik possesses. In order to be hot, you mustn’t be uncomfortable and unable to communicate with people on a personal level. That’s more like me—awkward and unsociable. I could say, however, that Jordan did a good job. For the first time ever, as I looked myself over in the mirror, I actually felt sort of hot.

“Ok, sit,” she ordered, pushing me into the seat in front of the mirror. Before I knew it, Jordan was scrubbing brushes on my face and running sponges across my cheek. They all smelled like dirt and made me feel heavier, but when she was done, my face was glowing, and not just from the Force. 

Jordan knew what she was doing.

I smiled, standing to make my way over to the shoes that she had thrown at me earlier. The unsensible black heels would go well with this dress—if I could walk in them.

“Use the Force,” she mocked my concern, picking up the dresses on the bed one by one, returning them to their home in the closet. 

Shooting her a glare, I opened my mouth to speak some snarky reply about my sensitivity to the Force and her arrogance when I was interrupted by a knock on the opening door.

Dustin entered the room, smiling as he spoke. “You really need to start closing your door you know,” he began, looking up with surprise. “Oh hello,” he said, chuckling gracelessly and reaching out his hand to Jordan while he closed the distance between us. “I’m Dustin.”

Jordan looked him once over, glancing back at me before turning to take his hand. “I know,” she said, fumbling to catch herself. “I mean, I’ve heard… I’m Jordan.” She laughed, causing him to laugh, making me smile. 

At least I wasn’t the most awkward person in the room right now.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said, slicking back his hair. It was just as attractive as I thought that it would be days before when I first noted that it was getting longer. 

I looked over at the clock on the wall, noting the time as 7:05.

Did he even know how early he was? Being 5 minutes late is 10 minutes early in my book.

Waving it off, I noticed how his eyes had not left me since his greeting with Jordan. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but instead he just stood there, watching me.

Jordan must have noticed too since she clicked her teeth and clapped her hands together. “Well,” she began, breathing in deeply. “I’m going to go now.” She animated her gestures, over-exaggerating her walk to the door, and still Dustin didn’t turn away. I nodded to her as she closed the door behind her smiling.

“You look,” Dustin began, his mouth widening as he spoke.

“Is it too much? I’ve never been to one of these things.” My insecurity flooded forth as I bombarded him with questions, not even letting him finish his thought.

Lifting his hand to stop me mid-way through my next question, he wrapped that hand around the back of my neck and pulled me into him. Placing his forehead on mine, he closed his eyes and sighed before speaking. “Stunning. You look absolutely elegant.”

I smiled, closing my eyes as well and falling into his embrace. Hugging around his waist, I breathed in his scent, suddenly remembering what home was.

“I’m sorry I’ve been an ass,” he apologized, burying his face into my neck and inhaling deeply. “I’ve been so afraid of losing you that I’ve been pushing you away.”

I opened my eyes, distancing my body from his and staring at him inquisitively. “What do you mean?” I asked, allowing my hands to brush off his suit coat and hold his arms. 

“You haven’t read the packet,” he sighed, lowering his arms from my shoulders. 

Suddenly, I remembered the envelope shoved inside my backpack. I had been so preoccupied with finding Revan and researching the planets that I forgot about the other information that he gave me. 

“Oh my god,” I exclaimed, throwing my arms to turn myself around. I rushed over to my pack, unzipping it and pulling out the battered envelop. “I’m so sorry,” I explained, not really even having a good reason. I simply forgot.

“No, no,” he smiled, taking the envelope from my hands. He folded it neatly in half, placing it inside his coat pocket before looking me in my eyes and smiling at me. “It’s fine. We’ll talk about it tonight.” He held out his arm, ushering me towards the door. “But now,” he began as I wrapped my arm through his, “we need to leave or we’ll be late.”

I smiled as he pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed it while he made sure my door was closed. Maybe things would be alright.

-

Dustin had obviously seen a few weddings over the years. This was made apparent by the way that he held himself around the others. He paraded around as the strong general…. retired general that he was, but something was different. The air of confidence around him seemed genuine enough. If it hadn’t been for his uncomfortable pep-talk that he gave himself in the speeder on the way over, he would have even fooled me as he ushered me around, meeting and greeting with what seemed like thousands of men and women whose names I would never remember.

The wedding came and went with little interruption. Dustin stood with a few other men beside to groom during the ceremony, leaving me to fend for myself in the crowd. It was easy to disappear, however, and I exhausted this luxury as much as I could. Dustin’s eyes would still meet mind from time to time, however, and I made an effort to make him smile. Sometimes I succeeded, other times he won our duel with a well-planned smirk or eye roll.

Once the ceremony ended, Dustin found me quickly in the crowd and walked me to the reception out back. 

“We’ll only stay a few minutes if you want,” he said, grabbing two ales from the waiter passing by. He handed me one, choking his down quickly. I had never seen him so uncomfortable before, but then again, I had never seen him in a crowd before. 

Good to know.

Dustin did not like large groups of people.

The reception was gorgeous. Lanterns hung from trees behind the ceremony building. A band played in one corner behind a dance floor while the other far corner was occupied with table and chairs next to a buffet. In all of the weddings that I imagined growing up, this would have been my most lavish fantasy. 

Occupying our own table in the corner, Dustin grabbed another ale, offering me one before I denied. Shaking his head with a bewildered smile, he turned his attention to the newlyweds having their first dance. 

“This is too much,” he said, downing his drink before beginning on the one that he offered me. 

“What?” I offered, moving in closer to him so we could speak without competing with the band. He smiled at my gesture, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in closer. “They look good together,” I commented, watching as the groom, Robert- I think his name was, gave his wife, Alesana (I remembered her name because she introduced herself to me in the refresher before the wedding. She was nervous and crying when I entered. It was weird for me, but she felt more comfortable when I left, so I guess that’s all that matters) a kiss on her forehead. He nodded in agreement, raising his drink back to his mouth with his free hand.

We watched the couple dance and laughed as others joined in for a while before our silence was interrupted. 

“Do you think you’ll ever get married?” He asked me, avoiding eye contact and instead looking into his glass.

I couldn’t stop the small blush that spread across my face. Coughing into my hands, my vain attempt did not go unnoticed as Dustin smiled, taking another sip of his drink.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, lacing my fingers inside each other. How could I even answer this? I didn’t even know what was happening between Dustin and me, much less if I was ever going to get married. There were too many other things to concern myself with. 

There had always been other things to concern myself with.

Instead, I tried to fill our void in conversation with humor to divert attention from myself. 

“I don’t think I could ever find someone who is brave enough to handle this,” I said boldly, motioning myself up and down. 

Dustin laughed, finishing off his drink and sitting the glass down on the table. I glanced around noticing that there were 5 empty glasses on the table already, only one of them being mine. 

He places a hand on my thigh. “I don’t know,” he began, standing up. “It can’t be that hard.”

I snorted, watching as he pulled his hand back, realizing that he was stroking my bare thigh. “You’d be surprised,” I said, catching not only him off guard, but also myself. Since when was I flirty? 

“Well let’s go then,” He challenged, offering his hand. I attempted to question where to, but his words cut me short. “Dancing. Let’s dance.” 

I paused for a moment, not knowing how to react. I didn’t know how to dance. I don’t think I ever knew how to dance. Finally, I accepted his hand, exhaling slowly and hoping for the best.

-

Shivering himself awake, Greene quickly took in the room around him. The cell was barren. Nothing to occupy himself and nothing to craft into a weapon. Attempting to see outside of the four walls around him, he threw the Force out, only to have it thrown back at him. It was solid too, designed to keep people like him in. 

Crossing his legs, Dustin sat up and continued to look around him. The silence was almost unnerving. What mistake had led him to this place?

Taking a moment to try to remember his last misadventure, he finally noticed the pounding in his head. Moving his hand up to his right temple, he was met with throbbing and cold. He was bleeding. 

He ripped the corner of his cloak, wrapping it around the large gash with a small wince before trying again. Why did he end up here?

Last he remembered he was exiting his ship on Onderon. He had been given orders from Lord Traya to destroy Queen Talia and open the door to turmoil in Iziz. His master had said that in order for her “Prince” to see Onderon as a necessity, the Mandalorians needed to see it as an opportunity. Unsure of what this meant, Greene followed her orders anyway.

Who was he to disobey his master?

Master.

That was it. 

There was a Jedi master with Talia. He was young, but strong. This master must have been the one to stop him. Greene thought harder, memorizing his face. 

Every feature.

Every Scar.

His blond hair.

Those green eyes.

When Greene got out of this cell, that man would be the first to be destroyed.

Suddenly, a pain emitted from deep within his body. It was like a sharp blow between his ribs, as if something was clawing its way from the inside out. 

Curling over, Greene grasped his stomach, unable to focus on anything other than the pain. 

“Silence yourself,” the words of his master rang out in his head. Attempting to ignore the pain, Greene tried to sit up, but was again struck to the ground by the tearing feeling in his gut. Hours turned to days and somewhere he lost track of time, but Greene fought with this feeling, constantly trying to battle it while also trying to fend off its hold.

Something was trying to kill him.

Someone was trying to kill him.

“Silence!” He finally shouted to himself, suddenly feeling absolution inside and out. It was as if ear muffs had abruptly been thrust onto his head. The silence was almost overwhelming as Dustin Greene laid in the empty cell, grasping his knees.

He exhaled, listening to the sound of his breath as it exited his lungs. “The Force shall set me free,” he mumbled, his eyes shutting slowly without his control. 

The Marauder had accepted his fate. 

The Force abandoned him.

This was how he would die.

-

My hair danced around us at Dustin twirled me under his arm on the stone dance floor. He made it almost easy. He made it comfortable. Suddenly, I was laughing with him and no one else around us mattered. In fact, for a moment I had forgotten that there were even people around. Not to mention the fact that Dustin’s steps were light and easy to follow. Dancing with him made me look as if I knew what I was doing. He made it far too simple.

“Mind if I steal him away,” a voice spoke out after Dustin had pulled me in close to him. I loosened my grip around his waist, turning to see Master Bastila Shan standing less than three feet from us. 

I nodded, looking up at Dustin who took my hand in his and kissed it before following the master to the edge of the dance floor. Once at the tables, they talked in hushed voices, glancing around them suspiciously while I made my way to the waiter serving drinks. Taking one, I watched the two continue their conversation. Dustin talked with his hands while Master Shan was extremely controlled.

It was odd to see her out of her robes. Clearly she knew the Bride and Groom as she was dressed for the occasion. Still though, even with the joy of the festivities, I could see the longing in her eyes. She missed her husband. She missed Revan. Her stomach was inflated with their child, but she still looked as strong and powerful as ever. Pregnancy looked good on her honestly. 

As their conversation came to an end minutes later I attempted to appear busy, trying to make it obvious that I wasn’t trying to read their lips. Dustin approached me, straightening his coat and tie.

“What was that all about?” I asked, handing Dustin a drink from the waiter’s tray that he had left on the table. Dustin didn’t appear too worried about the conversation, but still his demeanor was different. 

“She wants to speak with you actually,” he said, ushering his hand towards Master Shan. She was still waiting at the tables, now seated and cradling her stomach. I glanced up at him and he smiled back to me, reassuring me that everything was fine.

As I made my way towards her, I trembled mildly. Master Shan was known for being direct and honest. She was also known for being a shark, and pregnancy did not lessen that. Usually when she requested your presence, it was serious. But usually, Master Shan did not share feelings with anyone. We had something in common at least. We had Revan.

“General Surik,” she said, standing to greet me. I waved her off, asking her to sit back down.

“It’s just Meetra, Master Shan,” I laughed, taking the chair across from her.

She smiled, taking her seat and adjusting herself in it. “If that’s the case,” she began, placing one hand on mine that rested on the table, “It’s just Bastila.” I smiled, still mildly uncomfortable with our informality, but something was alright about this. I had always wanted to know Bastila. She was one of the few remaining connections that Revan had to this galaxy and that needed to be preserved. “I hear you have some information on my husband,” she said, leaning into me and almost whispering.

“Not yet,” I corrected her. “But I think we might be on to something.”

“We?” she questioned, withdrawing her hand and placing it on her belly. She looked concerned, and with good reason. If there was an army looking for Revan, then his safety was to be in question. That wasn’t the case, however.

“I have some friends on the Council,” I began before I noticed how terrible those words would sound. “It’s okay though,” I urged her, noticing the fear on her face. “They’re like us…. A little rogue.” She smirked, dropping her shoulders slightly. “They’re looking into it for me.”

“And General Greene is helping?” She asked, turning her head to face Dustin who was now dancing with the bride, another drink in his hand. I glanced over at him, noting the smile on his face. Now that the crowd had died down to just shy of 50 people, he was finally becoming at ease. 

He was finally having fun.

“He is,” I finally answered, grinning brightly. Master Shan… Bastila must have noticed my expression because she beamed back at me, raising her eyebrows. 

She licked her lips, opening her mouth to speak before closing it and pondering her next words. “He reminds me of Revan,” she finally said, adjusting in her seat again. I nodded, looking back at him again. 

She was right. 

Something about him did remind me of Revan as well, but there was something more to it than that. 

Something about him made me want to fall in love with him.

Something about him made me fall in love with him.

I was in love with Dustin Greene.

I smiled back at Bastila, lifting myself from my chair and placing a hand on her shoulder. “When I find something solid, I’ll let you know,” I reassured her, bowing my head slight and turning against her.

Making my way to Dustin, I grabbed his hand, tugging him off of the dance floor.

“Where are we going?” he asked, following almost grudgingly. I could smell the liquor on his breath and feel the weight of his heavy hand in mine. He was a little drunk, but not too drunk to understand me. 

“I want to go home now,” I said once we reached the walkway to the speeder lot away from the party, pulling him into me by the flaps of his coat. I kissed him deeply as he laid a hand on my shoulder, pulling me in closer. Placing his other hand on the wall behind me, he pushed my body against it, lying against me. As he kissed me, I felt his hands dance up and down my sides, holding me tightly still as if he was afraid of losing me again. “Not here,” I mumbled, finally breaking his kiss. With his forehead against mine, my breathing synchronized with his as the sounds of the wedding around us finally came back into the picture.

He smiled, his eyes still closed. Pushing his body off of mine, he grabbed my hand and began leading me to the speeder to take us home.


	8. Somewhere Weakness Is Our Strength

Days came and went, at least Dustin Greene assumed they did. With no light or clock, there was no way of telling how many hours actually passed. 

He had tried counting, but the redundancy began driving him mad. 

He tried walking, but without access to adequate food or water (it’s not like the slop that was passed through a slot in the door was actually food), he was too weak to pace for extended periods of time. 

His ribs were beginning to show and he could feel the bones in his cheeks as they protruded through his skin. His once tan complexion was now greying and his veins were becoming more and more prominent through his arms. His once strong hands were now frail and boney.

Dustin was dying.

Finally accepting his face, Dustin laid on his back, watching the unchanging ceiling above his head. Exhaling deeply, he closed his eyes, spreading his arms wide on the dusty floor.

He was dead to the Republic. 

He had told them that himself. When he killed his crew and sent that message to them explaining how his ship had been taken off line, he reported his own death.

He was dead to the Sith.

Surely his master had lied when she said that she would do anything preserve him. If not, she would have come already. In any instance, the Sith were dead to him and that was all that mattered.

He was dead to the Force. 

Severing that tie allowed silence within his mind and body. It was as if air had been stolen from his lungs, but for the first time since his landing on Korriban, Dustin was at peace. He no longer felt pulled in opposite directions.

Then it came to him: If he was to die here, he was okay with that. He was alright with death. He deserved nothing less for his crimes.

Suddenly, a clicking sound interrupted his thoughts, flooding the room with light. A figure stepped through the door that had not been opened since his arrival. Squinting against the light, Dustin scrambled to pull himself to his feet. He was too weak. Falling back down to the floor, he settled for dragging himself against the far wall. His scraggly hair offered a shield from the light momentarily as he tried to make out the figure. It was so bright though.

“You had us fooled there for a moment, son,” said the body, squatting down to Dustin’s level. The older man was finally in focus, his shape blocking out the majority of the light, giving Dustin’s eyes the time they needed to adjust. He was decorated in Republic dress blues, metals and ribbons lacing his chest. An Admiral. “We thought you were dead for a long time,” he said, placing a hand on Dustin’s shoulder, causing him to shutter.

“I am dead,” Dustin said, shrugging off the man’s hand. The man laughed, standing up and making his way towards the door. 

“Not yet you’re not,” he replied, shutting the door and turning again to face Dustin. “But you will be if the Sith get ahold of you again.” He stood straight, adjusting the sleeves on this uniform coat. “And you know that better than I do.” His eyes remained off of Dustin as the younger man tried to lift himself to his feet.

“The Sith are meaningless,” Dustin said once he was standing. He stood as straight as he could, attempting to feign confidence. In reality, the weak, scruffy, unshaven man was terrified. “Are you going to kill me?” He finally asked the words that had been haunting him since the Admiral’s arrival into his cell. Silently, Dustin wished the older man would say yes.

The Admiral laughed, brushing off the bottom of his coat and approaching the younger man. “No sir,” he said, putting a hand on Dustin’s arm to stable him. “First, I’m going to feed you.” He smiled, motioning towards the closed door. Dustin started to walk towards the door, the Admiral still attached to his arm. “And then,” the older man began, knocking on the door, “I’m going to offer you a job.” The door opened, revealing a prison hallway lined with large metal doors, all similar to Dustin’s.

Confused, Dustin looked over at the Admiral who was now supporting more of Dustin’s weight than he was. “Why are you helping me?” he asked, allowing his arm to drape over the older man’s shoulder.

The Admiral pulled his arm further over his own body, lifting more of Dustin’s weight off of his feet. “We need you Greene,” he explained, Dustin’s name exiting his mouth with compassion. “The Republic needs you.”

-

Dustin shifted and sighed in the bed across the room from me. It was still early, but I hadn’t really slept. Hell, neither of us really slept, but that was for different reasons. Now, with the sun shining though my window, all I could think about was the envelope that he had stashed in his coat pocket.

I was on the last paragraph written when he began stirring. The words in black ink told of his life—every detail that I didn’t already know. This extension of his journal explained how as a Marauder he tortured Jedi, using their own weapon against them and stripping them of the Force in slow, agonizing ways. His words spoke of similar experiences to what Atton had explained to me. Dustin, however, never came to peace with his actions.

He had never forgiven himself. And in the last few weeks he had been trying to find reconciliation for these acts. He had been trying to remember the Force and rebuild a lightsaber—All the things that he thought would make him a Jedi again. That explained the bruising and the burns. Dustin had been trying to force the Force to be within him again without even realizing that it was—He just had to listen to it.

“Good morning beautiful,” my thoughts were interrupted. Turning in my chair, I looked over to see Dustin stretching, yawning slightly. He sat up, the sheet falling from around his shoulders to reveal his bare chest. He smiled, shifting his eyes to the papers in my hand. “You finally read it?” he questioned as he threw his legs over the side of the bed.

I turned back around, reading the final words while mumbling an “Mm-hmm,” before folding the paper back into the envelope and putting it in a drawer under my desk. Turning back again, my head was caught in Dustin’s hand as he now stood extremely close to me.

Holding the back of my head, he bent down, kissing my lips first, then my forehead. “I love you,” he said, repeating the words that I said to him last night for the first time. Smiling, he stroked my cheek with his thumb before releasing me. 

I smiled back, blushing under his words. Something was refreshing about them. It was nice being loved. 

Gathering his shirt and coat from the floor, he opened his mouth to speak, “So I have somethings to…”

His words were cut short, however, by my question. “You know that you aren’t to blame?” I asked, it sounding more like a statement than a question. He blinked at me, confused. “I mean, you did some terrible things, but I don’t blame you. I’ve done worse,” I rambled, continuing in spite of my better judgement. “No one blames you, Dustin. Why do you punish yourself?” He sat down on the bed, laying his clothes down next to him. He opened his mouth to speak, but that wasn’t happening. I had more to say. “The Sith corrupted us all in one way or another. You’ve done more than enough to make up for it.”

Raising his hand, he silenced me, his eyes falling to the floor as his hand did the same. “That’s not it. I deserve punishment.”

“But you don’t!” I exclaimed, rising from the chair and making my way to bed beside him. “Not anymore.”

He shook his head, wringing his hands in his lap. “You don’t get it,” he said, eyes still towards the ground. “I murdered them.”

“And I destroyed a whole planet,” I said, reminding him of Malachor V. “I murdered an entire army, ours and the enemy.” It had taken years for me to accept this fact. It had taken years for me to feel again after that.

He looked up at me, tears forming in the pits of his eyes. “Yours wasn’t personal,” he said, blinking them away. “You didn’t look in their eyes as you stole the air from their lungs.”

Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him close, placing my forehead on his as I ran my hands through the hair on the back of his head. “But it was,” I spoke, the words catching in my throat on the way out. I closed my eyes before speaking again, “It was so personal that I had to end my own life before I could pull that lever.” I exhaled, pulling away from him, lifting his chin so our eyes met. “That was after I lost you. I had nothing else to live for. Everything was personal at that point.”

He swallowed deeply, running his hands through my hair. “Do you think they could forgive me?” he asked, not specifying whom he was referring to. 

He didn’t have to.

I already knew.

“Dustin,” I began, kissing his lips lightly. “They already have.” He nodded, licking his lips and swallowing again. 

Pulling his face further from mine, he stood, pulling his shirt over his shoulders. I nodded, knowing that he wanted to move on from this conversation. It was a lot to process. This was something that would take time.

I stood, making my way to refresher, stopping at the door to look over at him again. He was seated on the bed, lacing up his shoes. Walking over to him, I placed a kiss on his cheek, smiling as he smiled before going back to the refresher and starting my shower.

Once inside, the water rushed over my body, but it was different. I wasn’t worried about washing off last night. I wasn’t worried about erasing last night from my memory.

Sighing softly, my thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Poking my head through the frosted glass door of the shower, my eyes met with Dustin’s as he stuck his head through the door from the bedroom.

“I’m ready,” he said, biting on his lower lip. “I’m ready to see the Council.”

-

I was rarely anxious when meeting with the Council these days. I mean, the Council was made up mostly of my friends. Save for Atris, the Order’s leaders were all members of the new Order. Atton, Brianna, Bastila… All of them had my back. All of them understood.

But for some reason I was terrified. Standing outside of the Council’s chambers, my hands shook as I stood next to Dustin. He was dressed well, Pressed pants and formal looking shirt. He knew how important this was. 

The floors and walls were just as polished as ever. After the long walk up the stairs outside of the enclave, we paced through the pillars, watching as other Jedi chatted or walked in different directions. Everyone seemed to have an agenda today, especially us. 

The hallways seemed never ending, even though I had walked through them thousands of times. The most notable time that these hallways were filled with my anxiety was during my trials, right before my exile. Today, however, was not the same. Today I wanted to race through the halls. Today, I wanted to already be with the Council. Instead of dragging my feet trying to avoid the inevitable, I wanted to run and order them to see us immediately.

Once we reached the holding chambers, a young apprentice that I’ve never seen sent word to the Council of our arrival. We were then left alone in the chamber—just Dustin and myself. Just us and our thoughts. My trembling intensified.

Taking my hands in his, he smiled, bringing them up to his lips. “Calm down,” he spoke, shuttering slightly himself. He didn’t look scared though. He seemed confident. “It’ll be alright.”

Moments later, our solitude was interrupted by a young Jedi apprentice requesting Dustin’s presence. He smiled back at me as he entered the chambers, following the young apprentice. With a wave, he closed the door behind them, leaving me to wait for what felt like hours.

-

The young Marauder’s hands shivered despite his training. This one was different. Standing over the woman, he felt her life force slowly draining from her body. At the same time, he felt himself becoming stronger as she died. It was invigoration.

“Please,” she mumbled, almost inaudibly. She was fading quickly, but that was okay. Dustin already had the information that he needed from her. Now he was just playing. 

“What do you want?” he asked blankly, turning his eyes away from hers. He glanced her over as she lay on the table, arms and legs tied down, force suppressed through a headband. She was young, probably no older than him. She would have been pretty had he not stripped the life from her.

“Kill me,” she begged, her eyes beginning to roll around in her head. It wouldn’t be too much longer now.

“You’d like that,” he sneered, shooting a small bolt of lightning through her to make sure her heart stayed beating. “It’d be far too easy for you then,” he yelled over her screams. Wiping his hands on her cloak, he turned his back to her, not allowing her to see his internal conflict. A part of him still had trouble with this. 

That part of him needed to die. 

That part of him would die with her.

Turning around again, he put on his confidence face. Placing a hand over the young Jedi’s mouth, he moved his face closer to hers, close enough to whisper. “Listen to me,” he said feeling her breaths on his hand. “I’m going to let you go, but here’s the deal… You have to go.” He released her mouth, turning around and hearing her sigh with relief. Smirking, he turned quickly, shooting enough lighting through her system to kill her. Laughing, he felt her strength enter him. She was dead and he was stronger for it.

She was dead.

He was stronger.

-

 

The doors to the Council chambers opened, revealing Atris who was making her way to me. She huffed air out of her lungs, rolling her eyes at me as she came face to face with me. 

Raising her finger, she pointed it in my face. “Look, I know that something is going on,” she began, fury showing on her face. “And we’ll figure out what it is!” She dropped her finger and stormed through the doors behind me, exiting the holding chambers as quickly as she came in.

Still standing in the same place that I was when she attacked me, I glanced up, seeing that Dustin was shaking the hand of Atton while Master Shan was making her way towards me. Somehow she managed to appear even more pregnant than she did just a few days earlier. I could feel the baby’s presence now. 

“Surik,” She nodded, placing a hand on my shoulder as she passed me.

“No news yet, but soon,” I explained as she reached far door, knowing what her next question was going to be. She sighed, exiting the room without any more words. Disappointment.

Turning yet again to the Council’s chambers, Dustin was making his way towards me, a smile on his face. They accepted him. A smile immediately broke across mine as I ran the distance between us, jumping into his arms and having him catch me in the doorway.

“I’m in,” he said as he buried his face into my neck. For all of the excitement, he still seemed worried about all of it. Something was still lingering in the back of his mind. But for now he seemed to dismiss it, and that was good enough for me.

“I’m so excited for you,” I said, reaching my feet back down to the floor. With my arms still around his neck, I planted a small kiss on his cheek, much to his surprise. His eyes widened as h dug his fingernails into my back slightly. “It’s fine,” I whispered, glancing over his shoulder to Atton who was chuckling slightly. Brianna was standing next to him and for a brief moment I saw a flash of something between them. 

Surely no.

Loosening my grip around his neck, I held the sides of his head, looking into his eyes. “I’m so proud of you.” He grinned sheepishly placing his forehead on mine.

“I can’t do this without you,” he whispered, planting a small kiss on my lips. I nodded after the kiss, agreeing not that he needed me, but that I needed him. After a moment’s pause in this position, he pulled away, still smiling. “Celebration?” he asked, pulling a holocron from his pocket. “Do you celebrate things like this?” he asked, meaning if Jedi celebrated at all.

“Do WE celebrate?” I corrected him, as I wrapped my arms around his waist, reminding him that he was now a Jedi.

He was finally one of us.

He was finally home.


	9. No One's As Lucky As Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for keeping up! We're drawing into the last few chapters now and It's been such a pleasure to write this for you guys!

The night was long as we met with friends of his from the military and friends of ours from the war. Jordan and my girls met with us to finally meet, and interrogate, Dustin who introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his friends. I struggled with the phrase boyfriend, but by the end of the night, the word rolled off my tongue as if it had always been a part of my vocabularly.

The evening was filled with drinks and laughter as our two large groups of friends dwindled and merged into the one, smaller core group. The groom from the wedding whose name was, in fact, Robert and his wife Alesana, who was bonding greatly over ale types with Jordan (apparently, Alesana was a higher up in the department that regulated legal ale shipments within Republic space and Jordan was ridiculously jealous of this fact). Beside Jordan stood a friend of Dustin’s who I had met once during the war. His name was Jace and he was a pilot for the Republic for many years, and Dustin’s closest friend. 

Earlier in the evening, Jace had filled me in as to why Dustin retired from the service without telling me. Apparently, he had confided in him that he was going to try to join the Order and be trained as a Jedi. Jace said that he was shocked at first—I mean, how many adults do you know that go in for training—but after talking with Dustin about it, they both decided it was the right choice, and not just because of me.

Something about Jace made me laugh though. He was attracted to Jordan, there was no doubt about that. But Jace wasn’t exactly Jordan’s type. In fact, I was more of Jordan’s type. You see, something that I noticed about Jordan years ago was that Jordan was actually a lesbian. I learned this during service, but it became clearer, however, when I realized that she would never participate in our “boy-hunts” in the bars or our jokes while out on patrols, but would rather set others up with their pieces for the evening. Finally, one day I gave in and I asked her… not if she was gay, I already knew the answer to that, but why she never tried to find her own. She laughed and explained something to me that I kicked myself later for never seeing.

Beside Jace was a younger woman who had only joined us on a few pub crawls before. She was a few years younger the Jordan; a pretty, petite, blonde girl. Her hair was long and always tied back in some sort of intricate braid and on her right hand she donned a small silver band. This woman’s name was Lydia and Lydia was Jordan’s wife.

In the time that we were still learning our ways around the outer corners of Republic space, Jordan met Lydia while she was still a low-ranking, cargo pilot for the Republic. After landing on Manaan to pick up a Kolto shipment, Jordan made her way to the cantina, not even realizing that she had left her holocron on the desk of the attractive young Republic officer who she had to file the paperwork with and who she was, very much intentionally, flirting with. This officer gave no sign of interest in Jordan’s attempts, and defeated, my friend retreated to the bar and into her drinks. Noticing a figure appear beside her, Jordan sighed, beginning to express her lack of interest in being picked up from the bar tonight before turning to see Lydia standing next to her, holding out her holocron. Once Jordan took it from her hands, the young woman disappeared into crowd. When she examined it, she noticed that Lydia had saved a message to her; instructions to meet her at the cantina just a few short hours later when her shift ended. She did, and now Lydia has transferred her orders to Coruscant to be with Jordan.

Their wedding was small. In fact, Lydia’s sister and I were the only ones in attendance on the shore line the evening that they declared themselves to each other. It all happened so fast after Jordan received her last orders before we were to head separate ways. Lydia proposed, much to all of our surprise, and Jordan said yes, not to anyone’s surprise. This was the last time that I would see Jordan until after the attack. Thankfully, it was the happiest that I had ever seen her.

She was still just as happy every time that Lydia was around.

I smiled at Lydia, offering her another drink. She declined with a wave of her hand, explaining in as few words as possible that she had to work in the morning. She was never really one for words, but the way that she and Jordan looked at each other when they thought no one was looking always made me smile. They were very happy with the other.

“I want to say something,” Dustin announced, raising his glass. Jace groaned, making some comment about Dustin not being drunk enough to be making toasts now. Dustin tipped his glass up when Jace went to drink from it, making him spill a small amount of his ale and prompting a remark about “alcohol abuse” from Jace. A small laughed erupted from the group while Dustin continued. Wrapping his arm around me, he spoke softly, barely audible over the cantina’s roar. “This woman,” he began, squeezing my arm gently. “She believed in me. Long before now, she trusted me with her life. And even when I came back from the dead,” he chuckled after his words, prompting a small laugh from the group, “she believed in me, and never let me give up on believing in myself.” I blushed under his grip, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Guys, Meetra has worked hard in everything she’s ever done and she’s never given up. She’s never given up on the Order, even when they exiled her. She’s never given up on goodness, even when she had the greatest part of her stripped away. She’s never given up on us, even when we didn’t deserve forgiveness.” Smiling wider, he looked down at me, kissing my forehead and raising his glass higher. “To Meetra. Wherever you may go, may the Force be with you.” 

The others repeated his words, but to me they sounded more like a goodbye speech than a toast. A mild anxiety began rising in me as I tugged at the bottom on his shirt, asking him to join me away from the group. 

“What do you mean, wherever I may go?” I asked, grabbing his hands in mine. There were ten thousand things that I could say in this moment; ten thousand things that I wanted to say to him, but the only words that came out were “I love you.”

He smiled, placing a kiss on my cheek and taking another sip of his drink. He obviously had something to say, but now was not the time. “Meetra, not here. We’ll talk later.”

I wasn’t accepting that. “No,” I demanded, placing my drink on the table next to me and looking him in his eyes. Placing a hand on his arm, I required more. “What is going on?”

“It’s Revan,” he finally replied with a sigh after the world’s longest pause. “We think we know where he is.”

-

Sergeant Dustin Greene was shocked at the news that he had just received. After months of successfully hiding out within the ranks of the Republic, silently feeding the Republic information on Sith and Mandalorian battle strategies, Greene had been discovered and the Sith were sending a ship to them now. 

They were not given enough warning to evacuate, just enough time to get Greene off. Despite his arguments, the Admiral was insistent. There was no evacuating anyone, just Greene. 

“I can’t leave them,” Greene argued and the sirens began to sound. The guards pulled him back, retreating into the escape pod holding bay. He was still arguing, pulling against the guards who were clearly more powerful than him.

The Admiral swiped his card, locking the doors behind them. “If you want to help her,” he said to Dustin, raising his voice, “you need to get off of this damn ship!” The Admiral grabbed him by the arms, shaking him slightly. “You’re no good to any of us, especially her, if you’re dead!” The Admiral knew. He was the only person that Dustin trusted enough to tell about his feelings, and now, it felt like the only father he had ever know was betraying him.

Dustin stood, staring the older man who had saved his life in the eyes. He had a point, but in the time they had been arguing over this, Meetra could have been saved. “This is stupid,” Dustin finally spoke, grabbing the Admiral’s card off of his vest and making a bolt for the door. Swiping the card, he threw his elbow out, making contact with the approaching guard right as a loud explosion emanated from the barracks. Standing in shock, Dustin saw through the window as the officer barracks were engulfed in flames.

There’s no way that Meetra could have survived. 

. It was silence; broken only by the ringing in his ears as he watched the resting place of the only woman he ever felt anything for burn to ash. For another 10 seconds, Greene stood, watching the flames continue to burn before the Admiral grabbed his arm

“It’s time to go son,” he spoke softly, pulling Greene away from the window and into the escape pod. There was little fight from the younger man, but his sight never left the window as the glass doors of the escape pod closed in front of him.

-

The light was incredibly bright—bright and cold. Attempting to open my eyes, I noticed the pain shooting through my head. My eyes were swollen, almost too much to open. What I could see, however, was that I was in a hospital. The wires attached to my arm and the clean looking state of everything gave away as much. Attempting to lift my head, it fell back to my pillow, sending an angry tug through my back and neck.

Following the trail, the wires from my arms led to a device beeping in a steady rhythm with my pulse. When I inhaled, I noticed the green bar rising on the right of the device. Exhaling, it lowered. I was alive, my vitals noted that. They also noted, however, that I was barely there.

“You’re very lucky, General Surik,” a doctor said, walking towards the computer from the doorway and reading my stats. “If it wasn’t for that astromech droid,” he said, motioning at Revan’s droid in the corner with the hand holding his pencil, “You wouldn’t be alive.” The doctor chuckled, checking my arms as I slowly began drifting away. “Brave little man pulled you out of the wreckage,” he said, adding a syringe to my other arm. I cringed at the feeling of the needle before feeling its affects. It was cold and the liquid filled my arms, reaching up into my shoulders. My eyes began to get heavier as sleep started falling over me again. “Sleep, General Surik. We’ll talk later.”

-

When I first met Jordan Lovetere, I knew she was special. She was a lowly freighter for the Republic, carrying supplies from planet to planet and making very little money doing it. I stumbled across her entering the Republic office one day to pick up a shipping manifest from me. We were on Onderon at the time and she was to be carrying supplies to the war-torn remains of Telos to help with their renovation attempts on the surface. After signing away the supplies, she smiled at me, winking while she tucked the holocron into her pocket and placed a hand on mine.

“Have a great day, General,” she said, the inclination in her voice giving it away. She was flirting with me. Chuckling it off, I gave it no second thought. It’s not that I wasn’t necessarily into girls. I mean, who could deny that women are attractive? I was still a member of the Jedi Order, however, limiting my dating life to zero. The Jedi had a strict policy against relationships, saying that passion led to the dark side. I didn’t agree, but I couldn’t openly argue.

I couldn’t ignore it any longer, however, when she approached me in the Cantina later that evening. Not realizing who she was at first, I laughed when she reintroduced herself as “Corporal Lovetere, but you can call me Jordan.” We chatted for hours at the bar, talking about politics, love and faith—anything to keep our minds off of the war. Apologizing for how strong she came on to me, she explained how she was so used to fighting off the male officers who were giving her orders. She said that rather than fight them, she realized that flirting back made the process easier. It wasn’t easy for her, however, when the officer was a female and was obviously not interested in her.  
I learned a lot about Jordan that evening. She enjoyed flying ships and blowing up things. She knew when she was 14 that she was gay. Her parents kicked her out at 16 when they found out. Turns out that bigotry existed even in the most liberal of places. She was dating someone and the fact that she was away from them so often made her uncomfortable, but she didn’t know how long it would last. This person was quiet, and Jordan was actually extremely closed about her relationship. She was unique and I knew this. Something about her made her seem important.

The next day I took a leap of faith, approaching her commanders and demanding her immediate transfer to my unit. They seemed surprised because, according to them, “Lovetere never showed any motivation towards promotion, much less any inkling that she was even remotely interested in becoming a fighter pilot.” Something about my gut feeling told me otherwise, and I never regretted it.

After her transfer went through, Jordan joined my ranks, being promoted to a Sergeant First Class and becoming our youngest fighter pilot in ranks. At the age of 25, Jordan was living her dream and defending the republic all at once. Promotion after promotion, Colonel Lovetere became my most decorated pilot, and one of my closest friends. Still then, I knew very little about her relationships, hence my surprise when she told me that they were getting married.

“Why do you never date?” I asked at the bar one night after she failed at attempting to hook me up with a guy.

Jordan laughed into her drink before sipping from it again. “It’s not really my thing,” she lied, drinking more.

I smiled, nudging her shoulder. “No, for real. What’s going on?” I had noticed that she was smiling more, constantly checking her holocron, monitoring the time. She had been preoccupied for quite some time now, but within the past month her obliviousness to our current lives was increasing.

Sighing, he took down the rest of her drink, brushing her hair from her face while turning to face me head on. “Do you remember that relationship I told you about… when we first met?” It had been almost a year since then. 

“No?” I shrugged, scrunching my face as I tried to recall. I had nothing.

“Well, I’ve been dating someone and,” she paused, motioning for a drink. “Well, we’re getting married.” Her last words rang with excitement, even if she was speaking at a low volume. The red spread across her face as she blushed into her hair.

I didn't even realize it at first, but my mouth was gaping open. “Jordan!” I exclaimed, leaping across the small gap between our chairs to hug my friend. “That’s incredible!”

She brushed me off, smiling as she did so. “Yeah, yeah, alright. Don’t freak out or anything,” she said, still continuing to smile. Her face was still bright red and her hair was falling in front of her eyes. Pulling the rogue locks behind her ears, she looked me in the eyes. “Look, you can say no,” she prefaced, placing her hands on top of mine in my lap. “But I’d really like for you to be there.”

How could I say no? My best friend was getting married! “Of course!” I said, almost shouting. She hushed me down with her hands, laughing as our faces met. With her forehead on mine, I heard her whisper a ‘Thank You’. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling my friend in close. “I’m so excited,” I said, hugging her as she hugged back.

-

My head pounded slightly as our ship lulled itself out of hyperspeed, preparing to land on Dantooine. I had drunk entirely too much last night, as we all did. It was worth it, however, to be surrounded by friends, celebrating our lives together. None of us knew how much longer we had together. We decided in a drunken toast last night to celebrate every day, knowing that it could be our last. 

Opening my eyes, I regretted this—not the meaning behind it, but the toast itself. I loved my friends, but I was hungover and it was their fault. Rolling my legs over the side of my bunk, I placed my bare feet on the cold, metallic floor. The hum of the ship was nice, but we would be landing soon and Jordan probably needed me in the cockpit. Turning towards the exit, my toe met with the corner of the bed, sending pain signals throughout my entire body.

“Damn it,” I screamed, prompting T3 to come zooming into my bunk. He beeped, questioning my safety. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” I groaned, waving him off slightly. “Thanks buddy,” I added, remembering that last time we were on the ship and I dismissed him I had promised to be more considerate to him. He chimed in happily, singing a small tune on his way to the hyperdrive room.

“You alright boss?” Jordan questioned, meeting me in the cockpit with a small glass of water. She smiled, handing over the glass before taking her seat in the pilot’s chair. I took the second seat next to her, laying my head back and groaning. “Yeah, you drank a lot,” she added through her laughter.

“I never realized how much of an asshole you are,” I replied, downing the water quickly before looking up to see the approaching planet surface. 

She laughed, mentioning something about jerking the controls to make me puke. Honestly, I wasn’t listening. My thoughts had begun wandering, wondering what Dustin was doing right now. I could feel him through the Force. He was getting stronger. In day 1 of training alone, they opened his mind up to the Force and I felt him suddenly. It came over me while I was preparing our ship for departure. It was as if someone had unexpectedly entered my brain, leaving messages for me to hear later. The next day, he reached out to me himself, speaking to me independently. His success was incredible. He was learning very quickly. Today, day 4, I could feel him learning to manipulate his surroundings. 

“You hear me boss?” she asked, prompting me back to the real world. I nodded, not having any idea what she actually said. “Anyway, we’ll be landing in 5 minutes. You ready?” I nodded again, lifting myself from the seat.

“I’ll be ready,” I added over my shoulder as I made my way out of the cockpit. My friend mumbled something back to me about being careful on the surface as I retreated to my bunk to finalize myself.

On the surface, Atton and Brianna were waiting with Mical. Hopefully they had news for me.


	10. You'll Get Away Eventually

“The Council doesn’t take adults for training,” Atris demanded, throwing her fist against the armrest on her seat. They had been arguing for ages it seemed as Dustin stood in the center of the room, surrounded on his front half by masters in their seats.

“But the Council can make exceptions,” Atton added, rolling his head over to face her. He was still new to how the Jedi worked, but what he did know is that the Jedi were not previously working. A lot of things needed to be changed, even if Atris disagreed.

Brianna folded her hands together, lifting them to her face. She sighed deeply before speaking, mainly to fill the void. “Look Atris, Master Rand and I were both trained as adults,” she reminded the older master. “There’s nothing wrong with discovering your gift late.” She smiled back over at Dustin, calming his nerves slightly.

“He has been tainted,” Atris demanded, lifting herself from her seat.

Atton rose to meet her, standing tall against her. “We were all tainted,” he finally spoke, lowering his body back down to his chair. Silencing his thoughts, he turned his focus back to Dustin, now calmer than his previous outburst. “What are your feelings, sir?” he asked him, lifting his hands to cover his mouth. Leaning forward in his chair, Atton turned his full attention to Dustin. Atris took her seat, sighing angrily as she did.

Dustin swallowed deeply, attempting to hide his anxiety as he spoke. “I’m ready, masters.” His body trembled, but his words sounded strong. “I want to be trained.”

“Why?” A master that Dustin had not previously been briefed on asked him, shifting forward in his seat like Atton.

Clearing his throat, Dustin shifted his weight, looking at each master individually as he spoke. “I want to bring light to the darkness.” This question was new. Meetra had given him a run through of what each master would ask and who each master was, but she had not prepared him for this one. Still though, his words were strong and true. “I’ve seen and done so much darkness. It’s time I brought some light to the galaxy.” 

He smiled from the corner of his mouth as his eyes met with Master Shan’s. She nodded in affirmation to him before standing from her seat. “Well I think that settles that. I’m in,” she said, walking over to Dustin and shaking his hand. 

Brianna stood right after, agreeing with Shan. Atton stood not ten seconds later, speaking as he did. “It would be my honor to train someone so centered and strong.” He made his way to Dustin, placing a hand on Brianna’s shoulder as he did so. 

Atris stood after the last master joined the group in the middle of the room, realizing that she had been defeated. “I will not have the blood of hundreds on my hands if you are wrong,” she said, storming towards the exit. Turing back to them once more as her hand reached out to will the door open. “You better be right.” She turned again, forcing the door open wide and making her way out.

Reaching out to Dustin, Atton offered his hand. “Welcome to the Order, apprentice,” Atton said as the men cupped hands. 

-

“It’s about damn time,” I heard the familiar voice haze me as I walked into the old enclave’s library. Mical and Atton stood at the table, glancing up at me to acknowledge me as they returned to their conversation. Brianna met me half way, embracing me strongly as she did. Her hair was getting longer. Remembering the solemn, short-haired handmaiden that I had met years before, I smiled as this strong, emotion filled, powerful Jedi stood before me. She was at arm’s length, but I could still feel her presence around me. She was strong, but I had never doubted that. 

“Blame the pilot,” I said with laughter, knowing that Jordan would punch me in the shoulder if she was here. 

Atton broke conversation as we approached, reaching his arms out to me. “I know you’re not going to just walk by me,” he said as I ignored him, glancing to him out of the side of my eyes. Reaching out to me, he pulled me by the shoulder of my cloak, bringing me into his hug. 

“Get off!” I mumbled jokingly, pushing him away. “Gross.” He rolled his eyes, mumbling under his breath about losing his charm with the ladies before looking over at Brianna with a smile. She smiled back.

“We’ve got some info,” Mical interrupted our banter. “But you’re not going to like it,” he added the last part, cringing slightly.

My friends had tried, but they came up short. What they were able to tell us was that the pilot of these ships making all of these trips between outer rim planets was, in fact Revan. I wondered how, briefly, they discovered this, but chose it best not to pursue this line of questioning when Atton brought up his “less than legal contacts”. What they weren’t able to tell me was why or where he was going next.

“I tried,” Mical mumbled, folding the papers into the envelope and handing them to me. “There’s just something missing.” I sighed accepting the packet from him and cramming it into my backpack.

“It’s fine. Thanks for this though,” I replied, pulling my pack back over my shoulders.

“You know,” Atton began, taking a step closer to me. “We could really use you on the Council Meetra. You’re really missed around the enclave.” He smiled as Brianna agreed out loud.

Smiling back, I shook my head. “I’ve got other things to worry about,” I explained, shrugging my shoulders.

“Like finding Revan?” Mical added, question me. “Why is this so important?” The question lingered in the air for a few moments. They were all looking at me and I honestly couldn’t give them a reason. 

“I’m not sure,” I said after the world’s longest pause and thought process. “It’s just something that needs to be done. There’s something not right.”

“Let us help,” Brianna urged almost silently. She was never one for words really. Her concern, however was real. My eyes met with her ocean blue ones, catching a slight glimpse of worry. “We can help you.”

“No,” I interrupted, pulling my cloak in tighter to myself. They were almost circling me, all offering their aid. I couldn’t take it, however. This was my fight. “You’re needed here,” I justified, almost lying. That wasn’t the reason why. “This is something that I have to you. You need to protect the order.” That was true.

They all sighed at me, almost uniformly, accepting defeat. “Just be safe,” Mical spoke, placing a hand on my arm. 

“I will,” I responded, giving them all one more look over before making my way to the exit. “May the Force be with you,” I said, waving back at my friends. They all nodded, mumbling a response in return. 

They were still displeased with my decision, but this was something that I had to do on my own. I asked them once to go out into the darkness and I lost one of them. Bao-Dur deserved a better life than dying on Malachor V because of me. There was no way I would lose another friend because I dove too quickly into battle.

Now I just had to convince Dustin of this… and myself.

-

The trip home to Coruscant was hard. The flight itself was nothing, but the tugging in my heart was. Jordan knew. The entire way home, she badgered me with questions about my meeting, berating me for details about what I was planning. On more than one occasion, she reminded me that she was with me until the death. On more than one occasion, I reminded her that I knew—even if that was a lie.

“For real Meetra,” she began, putting the ship on autopilot and turning to face me. “I’m here for you… Dustin is here for you!” She was almost shouting at this point, reminding me of all of the people who were going to be hurt by my actions. “We all want to help. You just have to let us in!” She was practically slamming her feet on the floor to make her point. It was still not working.

“I get it!” I screamed back, realizing that we were having our first fight. We had been friends for years, seen the inside and outside of war, watched those we loved die, and yet we had never argued. And yet, our first fight was going to be about how much I was loved. “You just can’t,” I spoke, almost whispering. Blinking away the tears forming in my eyes, I pulled a lock of hair behind my ear. T3 zoomed into the cockpit, screaming as he did. “Not now!” I yelled at the droid, receiving a screaming response in return. He left the room just as quickly as he entered, beeping and chiming angrily as he rolled away. 

“Look what you’re fucking doing!” Jordan yelled, motioning towards the direction that T3 retreated to. “You’re pushing us all away because you’re being a shit!” She never really had a way with words, but she always knew how to get her point across. “Look,” she said to me, dropping her arms to her side and closing the gap between us. “We want to help, but we can only do so much without you asking.” She put a hand on the back of my neck, pulling my face in close to hers. With our foreheads touching, I could finally hear the shutter in her voice. “We all lost you once when you left. I don’t think any of us can take that again.” 

Jordan was the best kind of friend. She never blamed you for your mistakes. If anything, she always blamed herself. In this moment, I realized the extent of her anger.

“You’re afraid of losing me?” I asked her, pulling my head away. She was crying, tears streaming down her face.

Nodding, she spoke, not even hiding the catch in her throat. “We all are. We know it’s going to happen at the rate this is going. We just want to help Meetra.” Her confession was cut short, however, by the beeping of the Ebon Hawk, alerting us that we were leaving hyperspace. “Look,” she began again, taking her seat and beginning to prepare us for landing. “We’re here. I’m here. Lydia is here. Dustin’s here. We’re not going anywhere. The ball’s in your court now.” 

For the rest of the landing, Jordan didn’t speak a single word to me. Once our feet touched down in Coruscant, she wished me well, hugging me before leaving. Turning to the other exit, I glanced back once more, but she was gone.

-

I didn’t want to go home. It was getting later outside, but being alone wasn’t an option either. Dustin was busy with training, I knew this, but I couldn’t be alone. Not now.

“Are you alright?” he asked, responding to my cryptic message as he kissed my forehead and sat down at the table. “You had me worried,” he added as I threw myself into his arms. Slightly shocked, he embraced me, not saying anything things as I just breathed him in.

“Everything is falling apart,” I mumbled, inhaling his scent again. “Nothing is right. I’m losing everybody around me.” Tears formed in the pits of my eyes and I failed at blinking them away. Holding him tightly around the waist, I refused to move, afraid that he might see me crying.

Placing his hands on my shoulders, he pushed me back slightly, distancing our bodies. “What do you mean?” He asked calmly. He was entirely too calm for Dustin. Jedi training had been doing wonders for him already and he was just finishing his first week. He was going to be powerful one day. Too bad I wouldn’t be here to see it.

“This was a mistake,” I mumbled, pulling away from his grasp. Pulling some bills out from my pocket, I placed them on the table for my drinks and lifted myself from my chair, preparing to leave the cantina.

“What the fuck, Meetra?” he questioned, grabbing my wrist gently and turning my body back to his. “What’s going on?” His face was rattled with concern, eyebrows furrowed, tone intensifying. I just shook my head, unable to accurately respond.

How do I tell him that I’m leaving known space in search of my master who I don’t entire know where he is or what he’s doing? 

How do I tell him that I may or may not be coming back—that something might kill me out there?

Or worse, change me?

How do I tell him that I’ve spent the past 9 months falling back in love with him only to walk out of his life and disappear again?

More importantly, how do I tell him that he can’t help?

Shaking my head was all that I knew how to do. “No,” I exclaimed, pulling my wrist from his grasp. “There’s nothing that you can do! I have to do this on my own.” I didn’t know if I was talking to him or Jordan at this point, and Dustin seemed just as confused as I was. Turning to walk out I didn’t let him reply, knowing that would make it harder.

Once outside of the cantina, I started to make my way towards the Ebon Hawk. There was nowhere else safe. Leaving Coruscant seemed like as good of an idea as any. If I started my trip now, I could be in the outer realm in just a couple of days—before I even had time to miss anyone.

“Stop,” Dustin’s voice rang out in the streets behind me, interrupting my thoughts. Halting my steps, I stood with my back to him still, afraid to turn around. If I did, I would have to look at him—I would have to see his face as I hurt him. “If you want to leave me, that’s fine,” he said.

That wasn’t it.

“I get it. You have baggage,” he continued. I could hear his footsteps as he walked towards me. “And for some reason, you don’t think that I deserve that in my life.” He was just feet away at this point. “And maybe that’s true, I don’t deserve you, what I do know is that I want you.” I felt his hand on my bare shoulder.

“Don’t,” I mumbled as I turned to face him. Planting a small kiss on his lips, I still continued to avoid looking at his eyes. It would be too much.

“Don’t shut me out,” he said, almost crying, when I turned to walk away. He was almost whispering as he pleaded again, “Don’t walk out on me now.”

Leaving him in the middle of the street, I walked to the Ebon Hawk, thoughts flooding my mind. I didn’t have a cloak to cover my head so I settled for my hair falling in front of my face to shield the outside world from my tears. 

Why do you always hurt those you love?

Why are you so good at leaving?

You’ve always done this.

All you ever do is run.

You don’t even know where Revan is.

You don’t even know if he’s still alive.

If you leave now, you’ll be destroying everything waiting at home for you.

If you don’t leave soon, you may miss the opportunity.

What if there’s nothing out there?

What if there is something out there?

A hundred thoughts plagued my mind, but the only one that I knew to be true was that there was actually something out there worth finding. Revan believed it to be true and I could feel it too. When researching, it felt as if something was breathing down my back—watching me—waiting for me to find it so it could destroy me. This… thing… had to be stopped.

Entering the doors of the Ebon Hawk, I walked straight to my bunk and looked around at the plain room. Everything in my life was so plain—that was until I met Dustin. Until he walked into my life, everything was grey. It was as if he brought the reds and blues to life inside of me. Walking over to my desk, I screamed, not knowing what else to do. Sliding my arms across it violently, I threw all of the papers and books to the floor in one fell swoop. Watching them all fall brought me less pleasure than I thought it would. I still felt empty. Sitting down beside them, I crossed my legs, attempting to silence my thoughts. I shuffled through a few of the papers, just looking for something to make me feel anything other than this rage. It was then that I stumbled across a small picture, one that I had forgotten about.

It had been tucked into a book. It was Revan. He was younger, right at the beginning of the war. His short, slicked back hair and small facial stubble helped illuminate his smile as he stood next to me with his arm around me. On his other side was Dustin. I had forgotten all about this picture. I had forgotten all about this day. This was the day that I had confided in Revan that I felt weird feelings between Dustin and I. He explained that he never believed the same as the Council—that all passion leads to the dark side. Running my thumb across the glazed over paper, I caressed Dustin’s cheekbones. Even as a younger man, he knew exactly how to confuse the shit out of me. Sighing, I shoved the picture in my pocket and lay on my back next to my destruction. Closing my eyes, I relaxed, still feeling just as frustrated and irritated as before, but for the first time today, silenced.

This silence was short-lived, however as T3 rolled in, beeping at me. I had forgotten that I wasn’t alone in this ship. My heart broke slightly at this interruption. I really didn’t want interaction, but I had done nothing but blow off my Astromech companion for the last few months. He deserved better, especially after saving me so many times. His beeping continued, alerting me that he had something important to report.

“What’s up, old friend?” I asked lifting my body to my knees.

He beeped again, this time a small rhythm, almost a song.

“Revan?” I asked. He was talking almost too fast for me to understand. The beeping and chimes continued as I tried to talk over him. “Wait… Wait,,, You need Bastila?” I asked, receiving a chime of affirmation in return. “Just tell me what you need to say.” He denied, a deep pitted groan exiting his vocabulator. “Fine, we’ll go to Bastila,” I finally said after listening to him repeat the same phrase over and over again. He sang a small tune of triumph, making his way to the door and urging me to do the same. Lifting my body off of the floor, I followed my friend out of the Ebon Hawk. I guess we wouldn’t be leaving today.


	11. You Are The Only Exception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final Chapter

Bastila and Revan’s home was pristine. The Force was obviously strong in this place. Even more, however, was the love that existed here. Even without Revan being in the room with us, I could feel his presence all around.

“I have to say,” I heard Bastila’s voice echo from the kitchen where she was gathering drinks. “I was pleasantly surprised when you contacted me. It’s not that I didn’t believe that you would, I just didn’t know if you’d find anything.” Her last sentence grew louder as she joined me in the living area with snacks and drinks. She was an excellent hostess, even when surprised with company… although it was hard to believe that I surprised Master Bastila Shan.

Taking the tray from her, I ushered the pregnant Jedi Master to have a seat on the couch as I placed the tray on the table in front of us. Taking a seat next to her, I allowed her to continue to speak, sensing that she had more to say.

“Although I felt you, I couldn’t tell if what I felt was real, or just wishful thinking.” She laughed, pulling her hands in front of her mouth. “Oh you must think I’m ridiculous now.” Her air was light and free, much different from what I always heard of Master Shan. She was happy. “Now, what’s the news?” She asked, placing a hand on my knee.

“I don’t know,” I began, watching her expression fall. “He won’t tell me.” I pointed over at T3 who was rolling around in front of the windows overlooking the city. “He said he can only speak to you.” 

She sat up straight, calling over to the droid who joined us at the couch. Once he stopped rolling, he activated his holocron, playing back a message from Revan to Bastila. For the first time ever, I saw her face light up. As her husband spoke, explaining the new threat that he sensed in the outer realm, it looked as if she only heard every other word. She was mesmerized. I, however, listened intently taking in every name that he said. There were politicians and planets that I had never heard of and others that I had only received named in fables. Revan told of an unspeakable power, corrupting the masses, explaining that his original fall was at the hands of a “Sith Emperor more powerful than ever before believed.” All of this mythology made my head swim, and Bastila simply sat, staring. Suddenly, my named surfaced. “If you’re hearing this,” Revan spoke into the recorder, but almost as if it was at us, “That means that Meetra has returned with T3. That means that she is with you and you are both safe—for now. Bastila, this threat is coming for the Republic. It’s already infiltrated our ranks and has begun destroying us from the inside out.” I exhaled, my shoulders dropping, realizing that Revan never meant for me to hear this. He never really reached out to me. “Protect her,” he said, looking over at me. It was honestly as if he was speaking directly to me. “Meetra, protect her until it is time.” I nodded, not even knowing what I was waiting on or how I would know when it was time (time for whatever). “T3 has all of the information you need,” He finished, reaching out in the holocron. “I love you, Bastila,” his last words echoed before the holographic projection ended. He was gone.

We sat in silence for a moment before Bastila turned to me. “I have something for you,” she said, not breaking eye contact as she stood. Retreating into their private bedroom, she emerged moments later with a box. Laying it on the table in front of me, she removed the lid, revealing something wrapped in cloth and an older looking lightsaber. “This,’ she began, removing the cloth and unwrapping it, “is for Revan, when you see him.” I smiled at the thought before she unrolled the thin cloth revealing something I had not seen in years.

“His mask,” I exclaimed, taking the cracked mask in my hands. Holding it up, I looked it over for a few seconds before looking back over at Bastila. “How?” I asked, still holding it.

“I took it… the day that we captured him.” She spoke with eyes glazed over, as if she was remembering the day again. “He was so weak… so broken. We were supposed to capture him alive, and we almost failed. But this,” she took the mask from my hands, wrapping it up as she spoke. “I knew, deep down inside, that he would need this again. For what purpose, I didn’t… I don’t know.” She corrected herself, shuttering slightly as she placed it back in the box, returning it delicately to its resting place. “I just hope that it doesn’t awaken something.”

Placing a hand on hers, I grabbed the older woman, pulling her into me. Hugging her as I spoke I reassured her, “He will remember who he is.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she said into my shoulder, almost whispering.

-

Walking through the doors of the Cantina, I tucked the box from Master Shan under my arm, holding it tightly as if it would disappear at any moment. I knew what I had to do before I left. Glancing around the bar, my eyes skimmed through the crowd before catching who I came here to see. Meeting eyes with Lydia, I made my way through the horde, dodging ale glasses and elbows as I migrated to a small table in the corner. Jordan stared down at her drink that she was rolling it though her glass, doing anything to ignore me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, placing the box and my cloak in a chair, not even waiting for them to acknowledge me. 

Lydia looked up, smiling at me before glancing over at her wife who was still staring at her glass. “You know we just want to help,” she said, her soft voice almost disappearing into the crowd. “Sometimes we just don’t know the best way to do that.” She looked over at Jordan again, speaking the words that she wouldn’t say.

“Sometimes I don’t know how to let people do that,” I replied, looking down at my hands. I had the sudden urge to pop my knuckles, pick at my nails, anything to fill the void right now. 

Silence lingered for a few more moments before Jordan looked up at me at last. “I’m sorry too,” she finally spoke, looking as if the words pained her from her mouth. “I just don’t want to lose my only friend… not again.” She sighed, throwing herself over at me and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. 

I sighed, embracing her too as we both cried a bit—completely out of character for both of us. Glancing over her shoulder, I met eyes with Lydia who was smiling at me now. When Jordan and I broke away from each other’s’ grasp, I waved Lydia over, hugging her for the first time since their wedding.

“There’s something we wanted to tell you,” Lydia said smiling as she took Jordan’s hand again. Both women were glowing with excitement.

“We’ve been trying to have a baby,” Jordan started the conversation. My mouth was gaping wide, still smiling. “And it finally took.” Her smile widened—not that I thought that was even possible. Looking between them, I almost jumped with excitement, embracing them both. “Well, that’s not all,” Jordan added through my hair. Releasing them, I glanced between the two, watching them as they smiled back and forth at each other.

“We want to name her after you,” Lydia was the one to speak, breaking our moment of silent excitement. My smile dropped slightly, unable to even process the magnitude of this. “We want her to be brave and noble,” she added, releasing Jordan’s hand to place over her stomach.

“Please say something,” Jordan spoke, staring at my face.

I couldn’t speak. There’s no way that I could accept this. I was not brave nor was I noble. “No,” I said, noticing their excitement fade. “Name her Nomi,” I finally corrected them, watching Jordan’s face reignite. She knew the stories of Nomi Sunrider.

“So she’ll be brave and believe in love,” Jordan said, smiling over at Lydia. It was true. “She used love and the Force for good,” she explained to her wife who nodded before turning back to me.

“You’ll be careful, won’t you?” The younger woman asked, reaching over to grab her wife’s hand. She squeezed Jordan’s fingers gently, reassuring her.

“I can’t make any promises,” I smiled. “But I’ll try.” Looking between them, I began gathering my stuff. “I should get going,” I explained, knowing that every minute I spent here was one more that Revan was fighting alone in the outer realm.

“Wait Boss,” Jordan stopped me, reaching her hand into her pocket before thrusting it out to me. “Take this,” she smiled at me, placing something into my hand and balling it up. I opened my fist, revealing her metallic wings that she was awarded when she first joined my ranks. Smiling, I slid the wings into my pants pocket before making eye contact again.

“I love you,” I said to them, embracing them both before picking up my things again. With one last smile and one final wave, I exited the bar, wrapping my hand around the wings in my pocket as I walked.

-

The Ebon Hawk seemed almost cold. For the first time ever, I was shaking within these walls. Unable to face Dustin, I returned here with my droids… with Revan’s droids, T3 and HK-47 to prepare for our departure. Loading the coordinates into the navi-computer, I leaned my head back with a sigh. I couldn’t leave this planet fast enough.

An alarm went off, however, awakening me from my trance. Opening my eyes, I saw that the docking bay doors were opening. Someone was coming. Turning my chair towards the exit, I rose from my seat, pulling my Jedi cloak with me as I did. Making my way down the boarding ramp, my eyes caught Dustin. He was running towards me from the bay doors, donning his Jedi robe, traditional cloak following close behind.

“Meetra,” he shouted, closing the distance quicker. Suddenly, I couldn’t stop myself. My legs began running. When we met, I jumped into his arms, unexpectedly wanting nothing more than to be with him. This was ruining my plans to leave. “I could feel you,” he said, setting my feet on the floor and taking the sides of my face in his hands. He kissed my lips deeply before I pulled away.

“I can’t,” I argued, turning my head away. “I have to do this!” Staring me down, he was making it increasingly harder to leave. Pulling away from his grip I attempted to walk away before he called out to me again, grabbing my arm. 

“Don’t you get it?” He argued, raising my voice as he tugged gently at my wrist. “I want to come with you!”

“No,” I shouted back, pulling my arm from him. Taking a deep breath, I calmed my thoughts before turning to face him again. “The Council needs you here.” That wasn’t false. 

“They have Mical. He’s taken his seat on the Council. The Order is more than taken care of with all of them there!” He was incessant. There was no stopping him. “Besides, I need you.” Tears were forming in the pits of his eyes as he tried to blink them away, trying to appear strong.

“And I need you, but Dustin,” I said, placing my hands on his clean-shaven face. “The Republic needs a protector. The Order needs a watchman. With me gone, with Revan gone, they need you now more than ever.” He nodded, but I could tell he wasn’t sure about this. “Look at me,” I demanded; pulling his eyes up to face me. “You’re going to be a strong Jedi.”

“Don’t talk like you’re never coming back,” he interrupted me, a shutter in his voice.

I smiled, placing a small kiss on his upper lip. “I’ll be back to see it,” I promised, not knowing if this was true or not.

“You can’t promise that,” he said, almost interrupting me again. He clinched his jaw, eyes shuffling from side to side so as to avoid looking me straight on.

“I can promise that I’ll always be here to guide you,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist. “And I can promise that I will always love you.”

He smiled, nodding slightly, although still unenthusiastic. “I love you.” He pulled his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in closer. “I have always loved you so much.”

We hugged for ages, but it still felt like not enough. When we finally released, I felt as if I had just been robbed of my life. Choking back more tears, I gritted my teeth before kissing him one last time. He kissed me back passionately before releasing me. Turning against him was the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do, but as I started to make my way towards the Ebon Hawk, I heard his voice call out one last time to me.

“Here,” he said as his jogged to me, reaching out his hand. He was holding another envelope to give me. “This is for you.” I smiled at him, taking it from his hand before he turned and jogged to the door, stopping once before the exit to wave back at me. Through the Force, I heard him say “Be safe” and then he was gone.

Once inside my ship, I took my seat at the front of the cockpit, exhaling as my body hit the chair. Opening the envelope, I emptied its contents onto the dash of the ship. It was simply two sheets of paper. On one, in Dustin’s terrible script, was scrawled the words “May the Force be with you” and the other was a picture of us from the wedding. He always did love the antiquities. Placing the picture in my pocket with Jordan’s wings, I started the engine of the ship, allowing it time to warm up before looking back to T3 who was standing next to the navi-computer. “Are you ready?” I asked, receiving an optimistic chime in return. Swallowing down some tears as I slid the paper onto a clip on the dash, I turned my attention to the console, typing in what codes were needed for launch before I spoke again to my droid companion. “Come on old friend. Let’s go see what kind of party Revan is throwing.”

The ship lifted off of the docking port, jetting into the sky and clearing the atmosphere. Before I knew it, we were off, leaving my friends and my love behind. I had finally conquered my only fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so so so so so so much for sticking this out with me. This has been my brain child for seriously 6 years and finally seeing it into completion is incredible... and the fact that someone actually wanted to read it. You're the best! again, THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!  
> Keep an eye out for other non-related works if you'd like  
> and  
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> http://shaneycakes-1131.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> New updates posted weekly


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